Funny date joke?

Date Excuses


Hopefully you%26#039;ve never had these used on you, but this is a list of excuses to use if that %26quot;special%26quot; someone asks you out and you don%26#039;t know how to say no. If someone gives you one of these excuses, it is very likely that they have absolutely no interest in going out with you.





1. I have to floss my cat.





2. I%26#039;ve dedicated my life to linguini.





3. I want to spend more time with my blender.





4. The President said he might drop in.





5. The man on television told me to say tuned.





6. I%26#039;ve been scheduled for a karma transplant.





7. I%26#039;m staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.





8. It%26#039;s my parakeet%26#039;s bowling night.





9. It wouldn%26#039;t be fair to the other Beautiful People.





10. I%26#039;m building a pig from a kit.





11. I did my own thing and now I%26#039;ve got to undo it.





12. I%26#039;m enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.





13. There%26#039;s a disturbance in the Force.





14. I%26#039;m doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.





15. I have to go to the post office to see if I%26#039;m still wanted.





16. I%26#039;m teaching my ferret to yodel.





17. I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.





18. I%26#039;m going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal.





19. I%26#039;m planning to go downtown to try on gloves.





20. My crayons all melted together.





21. I%26#039;m trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.





22. I%26#039;m in training to be a household pest.





23. I%26#039;m getting my overalls overhauled.





24. My patent is pending.





25. I%26#039;m attending the opening of my garage door.





26. I%26#039;m sandblasting my oven.





27. I%26#039;m worried about my vertical hold.





28. I%26#039;m going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.





29. I%26#039;m being deported.





30. The grunion are running.





31. I%26#039;ll be looking for a parking space.





32. My Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then.





33. The monsters haven%26#039;t turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots.





34. I%26#039;m taking punk totem pole carving.





35. I have to fluff my shower cap.





36. I%26#039;m converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.





37. I%26#039;ve come down with a really horrible case of something or other.





38. I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.





39. My plot to take over the world is thickening.





40. I have to fulfill my potential.





41. I don%26#039;t want to leave my comfort zone.





42. It%26#039;s too close to the turn of the century.





43. I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.





44. My subconscious says no.





45. I%26#039;m giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.





46. I left my body in my other clothes.





47. The last time I went out, I never came back.





48. I%26#039;ve got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.





49. I have to answer all of my %26quot;occupant%26quot; letters.





50. None of my socks match.





51. I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.





52. I%26#039;m having all my plants neutered.





53. People are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.





54. I changed the lock on my door and now I can%26#039;t get out.





55. I%26#039;m making a home movie called %26quot;The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator.%26quot;





56. I%26#039;m attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.





57. My yucca plant is feeling yucky.





58. I%26#039;m touring China with a wok band.





59. My chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.





60. I never go out on days that end in %26quot;Y.%26quot;





61. My mother would never let me hear the end of it.





62. I%26#039;m running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange student named Basil Metabolism.





63. I just picked up a book called %26quot;Glue in Many Lands%26quot; and I can%26#039;t put it down.





64. I%26#039;m too old/young for that stuff.





65. I have to ash/condition/perm/curl/tease my hair.





66. I have too much guilt.





67. There are important world issues that need worrying about.





68. I have to draw %26quot;Cubby%26quot; for an art scholarship.





69. I%26#039;m uncomfortable when I%26#039;m alone or with others.





70. I promised to help a friend fold road maps.





71. I feel a song coming on.





72. I%26#039;m trying to be less popular.





73. My bathroom tiles need grouting.





74. I have to bleach my hare.





75. I%26#039;m waiting to see if I%26#039;m already a winner.





76. I%26#039;m writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.





77. You know how we psychos are.





78. My favorite commercial is on TV.





79. I have to study for a blood test.





80. I%26#039;m going to be old someday.





81. I%26#039;ve been traded to Cincinnati.





82. I%26#039;m observing National Apathy Week.





83. I have to rotate my crops.





84. My uncle escaped again.





85. I%26#039;m up to my elbows in waxy buildup.





86. I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.





87. I%26#039;m having my baby shoes bronzed.





88. I have to go to court for kitty littering.





89. I%26#039;m going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.





90. I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.





91. Having fun gives me prickly heat.





92. I%26#039;m going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.





93. I have to jog my memory.





94. My palm reader advised against it.





95. My Dress For Obscurity class meets then.





96. I have to stay home and see if I snore.





97. I prefer to remain an enigma.





98. I think you want the OTHER [your name].





99. I have to sit up with a sick ant.





100. I%26#039;m trying to cut down.





101. My asthma is acting up again





102. That would interfere with my time to wait for the government to take me away.





103. You%26#039;re ugly, I%26#039;m busy, have a nice day





104. Its my goldfish%26#039;s birthday





105. Uh, I have stuff to do.





106. I have to make an air sandwich





107. I have to hide the bodies.





108. I don%26#039;t have time to go on a date...with YOU!





109. I have to wash my hair.





110. I have to clean my toilet





111. I need to spend quality time with my weed wacker





112. I need to clean the air in my room





113. My hamster is having a heart transplant and I need to stay for moral support.





114. I caught a rare deadly African disease that%26#039;s highly contagious.





115. My gerbil is getting married.





116. I have plans to clean the cracks in my floor





117. Sorry, when you came to my door I mistook you for a mormon and took cover.





118. I had to rob your house





119. That%26#039;s the night I reorganize my rock collection.





120. Pinnochio is on tonight





121. I have to try out for the ice skating team at school.





122. I don%26#039;t date outside my species





123. Sorry I think I%26#039;m gay





124. I have to go...........over..............there.





125. My butt is to big in this dress





126. I have to take out the trash





127. My dog had baby kittens.





128. I can%26#039;t, I need to take my computer apart and put it back together.





129. I have to go shopping for my mother.





130. I%26#039;m sorry, I have to rotate the strings on all of my shoes.





131. No





132. I told my car I would tenderly rub wax into it%26#039;s body





133. I have to go for my full body wax appointment





134. I can%26#039;t I was asked to go to another party w/o you





135. I don%26#039;t date goats!





136. Ally Mcbeal is on





137. I%26#039;m reading with my widower





138. I have to brush my teeth.





139. Alf comes on soon





140. I%26#039;m sick.





141. I%26#039;ve had a better offer, some bloke is coming round to set fire to my head





142. I%26#039;m busy cleaning the blood off my axe





143. My dad said I can%26#039;t date till I am married





144. I%26#039;m shaving my dog.





145. It%26#039;s against my religion to date people named (insert relevant name)





146. My grandma is on fire.





147. I%26#039;m getting married tonight.





148. I%26#039;m engaged.





149. I don%26#039;t want to ruin our friendship.





150. I have family in town.





151. I just washed my hair.





152. It%26#039;s that time of the month again.





153. My father%26#039;s grandmother%26#039;s aunt%26#039;s mother died.





154. I have to take down the Christmas lights.





155. I have to go to a surprise party for my grandma%26#039;s birthday.





156. I left my tolerance in another coat.





157. I just got back together with my ex





158. I don%26#039;t like people.





159. I have to alphabetize my CDs. (Hey, is that supposed to be insulting to me? -- dan)





160. I might see someone who knows me.





161. My brother%26#039;s sister%26#039;s mum%26#039;s son%26#039;s dad died.





162. I would, but it would be a complete waste of make-up.





163. My pet snake is constipated again.





164. I have a phobia of people named (insert name here).





165. I have to teach my pig to sing.





166. I just got sick (right after you asked me out).





167. My dog is too tired.





168. I never said I%26#039;d go out with you, that was my evil twin.





169. I would go out with you but my waiting list is full.





170. There%26#039;s a four hour TV special on trimming shrubbery.





171. I%26#039;m washing the sofa.





172. I have to milk my cow.





173. Everquest.





174. I don%26#039;t want to miss Martha Stewart%26#039;s premiere.





175. I have to teach my frog how to croak.





176. I%26#039;m too busy watching the paint dry.





177. The %26quot;Rocky%26quot; marathon is on that night.





178. I promised my mum I%26#039;d bathe the hamster.





179. I tripped over an ant and broke my leg.





180. I need to clip my nose hairs.





181. I have to read the labels on all of my food.





182. You are extremely unattractive. Sorry, someone had to tell you.





183. I%26#039;m gay.





184. I don%26#039;t like you.





185. My goat broke a horn.





186. I have to go to the dentist.





187. I have to brush my dog%26#039;s teeth.





188. I must go in search of my charms which were stolen by an angry leprechaun.





189. I%26#039;m going to the moon.





190. My water wings are flat.





191. I have to stay home and give my goldfish a bath.





192. I%26#039;m going to be playing with my mental blocks.





193. I have to wax the driveway.





194. I%26#039;m not into dating right now.





195. I%26#039;m teaching my goldfish how to play the electric guitar.





196. I%26#039;m teaching my dog to meow.





197. I have to watch Oprah.





198. I like you, but my friends said I can%26#039;t go out with you.





199. I like your best friend.





200. I%26#039;m complicated to go out with.





201. I just found out we%26#039;re related.





202. On my list of things to do, seeing you is at the bottom.

Funny date joke?
lol...





wow...amazing how you came up with all those...





but, you forgot something...





what about...





I%26#039;d love to go out with you but I%26#039;m still re-threading my toothbrush bristles, hmmnnn?





=)
Reply:Haha.
Reply:...........................................
Reply:i hope you copy and pasted all those, or you have TOO much time on your hands (must be cos you miss so many dates!!)
Reply:WOW!!! that was a mouth full but still really funny!!!!!!!!
Reply:LOL, I%26#039;m always tempted to say I have nothing to wear for our date....bt something tells me it%26#039;s not a good way to turn someone down.
Reply:thats funny, too many to look at all of them, but I do remember my friend told me to use the one that said, I want to get back with my ex boyfriend. And number 201 happened for real with my cousin. I havent heard none of these myself, im lucky
Reply:ok thanks for the lame joke
Reply:Omg~! That is soooo funny! Hillarious~!
Reply:LOL! Luckily, I have never had to say those things...











ღβrιτταηyღ
Reply:love number 5 :D




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