No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn%26#039;t allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you-or holding you in his arms.
Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown-if they%26#039;re nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you%26#039;re safe from the law!)
During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico no couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.
In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes.
Clinton, Oklahoma has a law against masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car.
It%26#039;s safe to make love while parked in Coeur d%26#039;Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren%26#039;t allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate. [Hmmm... okay, there%26#039;s one place with a law that makes sense... -psl]
In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot off a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm.
In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple%26#039;s own property.
A law in Fairbanks, Alaska does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.
In Florida it is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachute on Sunday afternoons.
In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth.
The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.
Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can%26#039;t dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.
A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.
An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. %26quot;No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club%26quot;.
The following important amendment however is to be considered here: %26quot;The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to male horses.%26quot;
In Kingsville, Texas there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city%26#039;s airport property.
Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the horn during their lustful act, may be taken to jail according to a Liberty Corner, New Jersey law.
In Los Angeles, California, a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can%26#039;t be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife%26#039;s consent to beat her with a wider strap. Consent should be given prior to the event, as is carefully stipulated. [Not to be confused with the myth about %26quot;rule of thumb%26quot;%26#039;s origin -psl]
In Maryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because %26quot;The privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male.%26quot;
In Michigan, a woman isn%26#039;t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband%26#039;s permission.
In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.
An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store%26#039;s walk-in meat freezer!
In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can%26#039;t go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job-for men only-called a corset inspector.)
In Oblong, Illinois, it%26#039;s punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
In Oxford, Ohio, it%26#039;s illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man%26#039;s picture.
In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it%26#039;s illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!
A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman%26#039;s name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment.
Utah state legislation outlaws all sex with anyone but your spouse. Next to that adultery, oral and anal sex, masturbation are considered sodomy and can lead to imprisonment. Sex with an animal - unless performed for profit - however is NOT considered sodomy. Polygamy - provided only the missionary position has been applied - is only a misdemeanor.
What do you think of these weird US laws?
LOL and yanks make fun of other people%26#039;s laws
Reply:I%26#039;m at a loss for words. lol
Reply:hahaha
that is so funny.
and it would suck to live in utah!
masturbation is against the law?
thats harsh.
Reply:So if you%26#039;re in Utah, having sex with an animal, and you just break even--you%26#039;ve committed no crime?
Reply:Very weird. Doubt they are ever enforced, must be very old laws.
Reply:So do you have to leave Nevada if you want to have children?
Reply:When I see lists of obsolete (?) laws like this it always makes me want to know what the court sessions were like when they debated passing these laws. Were they tacked on to some other bigger laws and the men voting them in didn%26#039;t really know what they voted for, or were they really meant to solve some %26quot;big%26quot; problem in society.
Reply:Very funny, but of course totally untrue. These lists of %26quot;wacky laws%26quot; have been popping up since they were making laws and gullible people.
Just for the heck of it I went to the web sites of the first two towns mentioned (Alexandria MN and Ames IA) and examined their city codes. No hint of either of those ordinances. Check them out for yourself.
Highly entertaining, though, I mist say.
I expect it%26#039;s possible that one or two of these ordinances taken out of context resembles something a legislature once passed, but it%26#039;s probably a long shot.
Reply:wtf?
wow! that is really weird. this kinda makes ya wonder who makes these laws...
did you know that it is illegal in the state of Virginia to add sugar to your maple syup?
myspace quizzes
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Funny date joke?
Date Excuses
Hopefully you%26#039;ve never had these used on you, but this is a list of excuses to use if that %26quot;special%26quot; someone asks you out and you don%26#039;t know how to say no. If someone gives you one of these excuses, it is very likely that they have absolutely no interest in going out with you.
1. I have to floss my cat.
2. I%26#039;ve dedicated my life to linguini.
3. I want to spend more time with my blender.
4. The President said he might drop in.
5. The man on television told me to say tuned.
6. I%26#039;ve been scheduled for a karma transplant.
7. I%26#039;m staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
8. It%26#039;s my parakeet%26#039;s bowling night.
9. It wouldn%26#039;t be fair to the other Beautiful People.
10. I%26#039;m building a pig from a kit.
11. I did my own thing and now I%26#039;ve got to undo it.
12. I%26#039;m enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
13. There%26#039;s a disturbance in the Force.
14. I%26#039;m doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
15. I have to go to the post office to see if I%26#039;m still wanted.
16. I%26#039;m teaching my ferret to yodel.
17. I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
18. I%26#039;m going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal.
19. I%26#039;m planning to go downtown to try on gloves.
20. My crayons all melted together.
21. I%26#039;m trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
22. I%26#039;m in training to be a household pest.
23. I%26#039;m getting my overalls overhauled.
24. My patent is pending.
25. I%26#039;m attending the opening of my garage door.
26. I%26#039;m sandblasting my oven.
27. I%26#039;m worried about my vertical hold.
28. I%26#039;m going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
29. I%26#039;m being deported.
30. The grunion are running.
31. I%26#039;ll be looking for a parking space.
32. My Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then.
33. The monsters haven%26#039;t turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots.
34. I%26#039;m taking punk totem pole carving.
35. I have to fluff my shower cap.
36. I%26#039;m converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
37. I%26#039;ve come down with a really horrible case of something or other.
38. I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
39. My plot to take over the world is thickening.
40. I have to fulfill my potential.
41. I don%26#039;t want to leave my comfort zone.
42. It%26#039;s too close to the turn of the century.
43. I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
44. My subconscious says no.
45. I%26#039;m giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
46. I left my body in my other clothes.
47. The last time I went out, I never came back.
48. I%26#039;ve got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.
49. I have to answer all of my %26quot;occupant%26quot; letters.
50. None of my socks match.
51. I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
52. I%26#039;m having all my plants neutered.
53. People are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.
54. I changed the lock on my door and now I can%26#039;t get out.
55. I%26#039;m making a home movie called %26quot;The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator.%26quot;
56. I%26#039;m attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
57. My yucca plant is feeling yucky.
58. I%26#039;m touring China with a wok band.
59. My chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
60. I never go out on days that end in %26quot;Y.%26quot;
61. My mother would never let me hear the end of it.
62. I%26#039;m running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange student named Basil Metabolism.
63. I just picked up a book called %26quot;Glue in Many Lands%26quot; and I can%26#039;t put it down.
64. I%26#039;m too old/young for that stuff.
65. I have to ash/condition/perm/curl/tease my hair.
66. I have too much guilt.
67. There are important world issues that need worrying about.
68. I have to draw %26quot;Cubby%26quot; for an art scholarship.
69. I%26#039;m uncomfortable when I%26#039;m alone or with others.
70. I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
71. I feel a song coming on.
72. I%26#039;m trying to be less popular.
73. My bathroom tiles need grouting.
74. I have to bleach my hare.
75. I%26#039;m waiting to see if I%26#039;m already a winner.
76. I%26#039;m writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.
77. You know how we psychos are.
78. My favorite commercial is on TV.
79. I have to study for a blood test.
80. I%26#039;m going to be old someday.
81. I%26#039;ve been traded to Cincinnati.
82. I%26#039;m observing National Apathy Week.
83. I have to rotate my crops.
84. My uncle escaped again.
85. I%26#039;m up to my elbows in waxy buildup.
86. I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
87. I%26#039;m having my baby shoes bronzed.
88. I have to go to court for kitty littering.
89. I%26#039;m going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
90. I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
91. Having fun gives me prickly heat.
92. I%26#039;m going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.
93. I have to jog my memory.
94. My palm reader advised against it.
95. My Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
96. I have to stay home and see if I snore.
97. I prefer to remain an enigma.
98. I think you want the OTHER [your name].
99. I have to sit up with a sick ant.
100. I%26#039;m trying to cut down.
101. My asthma is acting up again
102. That would interfere with my time to wait for the government to take me away.
103. You%26#039;re ugly, I%26#039;m busy, have a nice day
104. Its my goldfish%26#039;s birthday
105. Uh, I have stuff to do.
106. I have to make an air sandwich
107. I have to hide the bodies.
108. I don%26#039;t have time to go on a date...with YOU!
109. I have to wash my hair.
110. I have to clean my toilet
111. I need to spend quality time with my weed wacker
112. I need to clean the air in my room
113. My hamster is having a heart transplant and I need to stay for moral support.
114. I caught a rare deadly African disease that%26#039;s highly contagious.
115. My gerbil is getting married.
116. I have plans to clean the cracks in my floor
117. Sorry, when you came to my door I mistook you for a mormon and took cover.
118. I had to rob your house
119. That%26#039;s the night I reorganize my rock collection.
120. Pinnochio is on tonight
121. I have to try out for the ice skating team at school.
122. I don%26#039;t date outside my species
123. Sorry I think I%26#039;m gay
124. I have to go...........over..............there.
125. My butt is to big in this dress
126. I have to take out the trash
127. My dog had baby kittens.
128. I can%26#039;t, I need to take my computer apart and put it back together.
129. I have to go shopping for my mother.
130. I%26#039;m sorry, I have to rotate the strings on all of my shoes.
131. No
132. I told my car I would tenderly rub wax into it%26#039;s body
133. I have to go for my full body wax appointment
134. I can%26#039;t I was asked to go to another party w/o you
135. I don%26#039;t date goats!
136. Ally Mcbeal is on
137. I%26#039;m reading with my widower
138. I have to brush my teeth.
139. Alf comes on soon
140. I%26#039;m sick.
141. I%26#039;ve had a better offer, some bloke is coming round to set fire to my head
142. I%26#039;m busy cleaning the blood off my axe
143. My dad said I can%26#039;t date till I am married
144. I%26#039;m shaving my dog.
145. It%26#039;s against my religion to date people named (insert relevant name)
146. My grandma is on fire.
147. I%26#039;m getting married tonight.
148. I%26#039;m engaged.
149. I don%26#039;t want to ruin our friendship.
150. I have family in town.
151. I just washed my hair.
152. It%26#039;s that time of the month again.
153. My father%26#039;s grandmother%26#039;s aunt%26#039;s mother died.
154. I have to take down the Christmas lights.
155. I have to go to a surprise party for my grandma%26#039;s birthday.
156. I left my tolerance in another coat.
157. I just got back together with my ex
158. I don%26#039;t like people.
159. I have to alphabetize my CDs. (Hey, is that supposed to be insulting to me? -- dan)
160. I might see someone who knows me.
161. My brother%26#039;s sister%26#039;s mum%26#039;s son%26#039;s dad died.
162. I would, but it would be a complete waste of make-up.
163. My pet snake is constipated again.
164. I have a phobia of people named (insert name here).
165. I have to teach my pig to sing.
166. I just got sick (right after you asked me out).
167. My dog is too tired.
168. I never said I%26#039;d go out with you, that was my evil twin.
169. I would go out with you but my waiting list is full.
170. There%26#039;s a four hour TV special on trimming shrubbery.
171. I%26#039;m washing the sofa.
172. I have to milk my cow.
173. Everquest.
174. I don%26#039;t want to miss Martha Stewart%26#039;s premiere.
175. I have to teach my frog how to croak.
176. I%26#039;m too busy watching the paint dry.
177. The %26quot;Rocky%26quot; marathon is on that night.
178. I promised my mum I%26#039;d bathe the hamster.
179. I tripped over an ant and broke my leg.
180. I need to clip my nose hairs.
181. I have to read the labels on all of my food.
182. You are extremely unattractive. Sorry, someone had to tell you.
183. I%26#039;m gay.
184. I don%26#039;t like you.
185. My goat broke a horn.
186. I have to go to the dentist.
187. I have to brush my dog%26#039;s teeth.
188. I must go in search of my charms which were stolen by an angry leprechaun.
189. I%26#039;m going to the moon.
190. My water wings are flat.
191. I have to stay home and give my goldfish a bath.
192. I%26#039;m going to be playing with my mental blocks.
193. I have to wax the driveway.
194. I%26#039;m not into dating right now.
195. I%26#039;m teaching my goldfish how to play the electric guitar.
196. I%26#039;m teaching my dog to meow.
197. I have to watch Oprah.
198. I like you, but my friends said I can%26#039;t go out with you.
199. I like your best friend.
200. I%26#039;m complicated to go out with.
201. I just found out we%26#039;re related.
202. On my list of things to do, seeing you is at the bottom.
Funny date joke?
lol...
wow...amazing how you came up with all those...
but, you forgot something...
what about...
I%26#039;d love to go out with you but I%26#039;m still re-threading my toothbrush bristles, hmmnnn?
=)
Reply:Haha.
Reply:...........................................
Reply:i hope you copy and pasted all those, or you have TOO much time on your hands (must be cos you miss so many dates!!)
Reply:WOW!!! that was a mouth full but still really funny!!!!!!!!
Reply:LOL, I%26#039;m always tempted to say I have nothing to wear for our date....bt something tells me it%26#039;s not a good way to turn someone down.
Reply:thats funny, too many to look at all of them, but I do remember my friend told me to use the one that said, I want to get back with my ex boyfriend. And number 201 happened for real with my cousin. I havent heard none of these myself, im lucky
Reply:ok thanks for the lame joke
Reply:Omg~! That is soooo funny! Hillarious~!
Reply:LOL! Luckily, I have never had to say those things...
ღβrιτταηyღ
Reply:love number 5 :D
horses for loan
Hopefully you%26#039;ve never had these used on you, but this is a list of excuses to use if that %26quot;special%26quot; someone asks you out and you don%26#039;t know how to say no. If someone gives you one of these excuses, it is very likely that they have absolutely no interest in going out with you.
1. I have to floss my cat.
2. I%26#039;ve dedicated my life to linguini.
3. I want to spend more time with my blender.
4. The President said he might drop in.
5. The man on television told me to say tuned.
6. I%26#039;ve been scheduled for a karma transplant.
7. I%26#039;m staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
8. It%26#039;s my parakeet%26#039;s bowling night.
9. It wouldn%26#039;t be fair to the other Beautiful People.
10. I%26#039;m building a pig from a kit.
11. I did my own thing and now I%26#039;ve got to undo it.
12. I%26#039;m enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
13. There%26#039;s a disturbance in the Force.
14. I%26#039;m doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
15. I have to go to the post office to see if I%26#039;m still wanted.
16. I%26#039;m teaching my ferret to yodel.
17. I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
18. I%26#039;m going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal.
19. I%26#039;m planning to go downtown to try on gloves.
20. My crayons all melted together.
21. I%26#039;m trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
22. I%26#039;m in training to be a household pest.
23. I%26#039;m getting my overalls overhauled.
24. My patent is pending.
25. I%26#039;m attending the opening of my garage door.
26. I%26#039;m sandblasting my oven.
27. I%26#039;m worried about my vertical hold.
28. I%26#039;m going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
29. I%26#039;m being deported.
30. The grunion are running.
31. I%26#039;ll be looking for a parking space.
32. My Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then.
33. The monsters haven%26#039;t turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots.
34. I%26#039;m taking punk totem pole carving.
35. I have to fluff my shower cap.
36. I%26#039;m converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
37. I%26#039;ve come down with a really horrible case of something or other.
38. I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
39. My plot to take over the world is thickening.
40. I have to fulfill my potential.
41. I don%26#039;t want to leave my comfort zone.
42. It%26#039;s too close to the turn of the century.
43. I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
44. My subconscious says no.
45. I%26#039;m giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
46. I left my body in my other clothes.
47. The last time I went out, I never came back.
48. I%26#039;ve got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.
49. I have to answer all of my %26quot;occupant%26quot; letters.
50. None of my socks match.
51. I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
52. I%26#039;m having all my plants neutered.
53. People are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.
54. I changed the lock on my door and now I can%26#039;t get out.
55. I%26#039;m making a home movie called %26quot;The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator.%26quot;
56. I%26#039;m attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
57. My yucca plant is feeling yucky.
58. I%26#039;m touring China with a wok band.
59. My chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
60. I never go out on days that end in %26quot;Y.%26quot;
61. My mother would never let me hear the end of it.
62. I%26#039;m running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange student named Basil Metabolism.
63. I just picked up a book called %26quot;Glue in Many Lands%26quot; and I can%26#039;t put it down.
64. I%26#039;m too old/young for that stuff.
65. I have to ash/condition/perm/curl/tease my hair.
66. I have too much guilt.
67. There are important world issues that need worrying about.
68. I have to draw %26quot;Cubby%26quot; for an art scholarship.
69. I%26#039;m uncomfortable when I%26#039;m alone or with others.
70. I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
71. I feel a song coming on.
72. I%26#039;m trying to be less popular.
73. My bathroom tiles need grouting.
74. I have to bleach my hare.
75. I%26#039;m waiting to see if I%26#039;m already a winner.
76. I%26#039;m writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.
77. You know how we psychos are.
78. My favorite commercial is on TV.
79. I have to study for a blood test.
80. I%26#039;m going to be old someday.
81. I%26#039;ve been traded to Cincinnati.
82. I%26#039;m observing National Apathy Week.
83. I have to rotate my crops.
84. My uncle escaped again.
85. I%26#039;m up to my elbows in waxy buildup.
86. I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
87. I%26#039;m having my baby shoes bronzed.
88. I have to go to court for kitty littering.
89. I%26#039;m going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
90. I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
91. Having fun gives me prickly heat.
92. I%26#039;m going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.
93. I have to jog my memory.
94. My palm reader advised against it.
95. My Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
96. I have to stay home and see if I snore.
97. I prefer to remain an enigma.
98. I think you want the OTHER [your name].
99. I have to sit up with a sick ant.
100. I%26#039;m trying to cut down.
101. My asthma is acting up again
102. That would interfere with my time to wait for the government to take me away.
103. You%26#039;re ugly, I%26#039;m busy, have a nice day
104. Its my goldfish%26#039;s birthday
105. Uh, I have stuff to do.
106. I have to make an air sandwich
107. I have to hide the bodies.
108. I don%26#039;t have time to go on a date...with YOU!
109. I have to wash my hair.
110. I have to clean my toilet
111. I need to spend quality time with my weed wacker
112. I need to clean the air in my room
113. My hamster is having a heart transplant and I need to stay for moral support.
114. I caught a rare deadly African disease that%26#039;s highly contagious.
115. My gerbil is getting married.
116. I have plans to clean the cracks in my floor
117. Sorry, when you came to my door I mistook you for a mormon and took cover.
118. I had to rob your house
119. That%26#039;s the night I reorganize my rock collection.
120. Pinnochio is on tonight
121. I have to try out for the ice skating team at school.
122. I don%26#039;t date outside my species
123. Sorry I think I%26#039;m gay
124. I have to go...........over..............there.
125. My butt is to big in this dress
126. I have to take out the trash
127. My dog had baby kittens.
128. I can%26#039;t, I need to take my computer apart and put it back together.
129. I have to go shopping for my mother.
130. I%26#039;m sorry, I have to rotate the strings on all of my shoes.
131. No
132. I told my car I would tenderly rub wax into it%26#039;s body
133. I have to go for my full body wax appointment
134. I can%26#039;t I was asked to go to another party w/o you
135. I don%26#039;t date goats!
136. Ally Mcbeal is on
137. I%26#039;m reading with my widower
138. I have to brush my teeth.
139. Alf comes on soon
140. I%26#039;m sick.
141. I%26#039;ve had a better offer, some bloke is coming round to set fire to my head
142. I%26#039;m busy cleaning the blood off my axe
143. My dad said I can%26#039;t date till I am married
144. I%26#039;m shaving my dog.
145. It%26#039;s against my religion to date people named (insert relevant name)
146. My grandma is on fire.
147. I%26#039;m getting married tonight.
148. I%26#039;m engaged.
149. I don%26#039;t want to ruin our friendship.
150. I have family in town.
151. I just washed my hair.
152. It%26#039;s that time of the month again.
153. My father%26#039;s grandmother%26#039;s aunt%26#039;s mother died.
154. I have to take down the Christmas lights.
155. I have to go to a surprise party for my grandma%26#039;s birthday.
156. I left my tolerance in another coat.
157. I just got back together with my ex
158. I don%26#039;t like people.
159. I have to alphabetize my CDs. (Hey, is that supposed to be insulting to me? -- dan)
160. I might see someone who knows me.
161. My brother%26#039;s sister%26#039;s mum%26#039;s son%26#039;s dad died.
162. I would, but it would be a complete waste of make-up.
163. My pet snake is constipated again.
164. I have a phobia of people named (insert name here).
165. I have to teach my pig to sing.
166. I just got sick (right after you asked me out).
167. My dog is too tired.
168. I never said I%26#039;d go out with you, that was my evil twin.
169. I would go out with you but my waiting list is full.
170. There%26#039;s a four hour TV special on trimming shrubbery.
171. I%26#039;m washing the sofa.
172. I have to milk my cow.
173. Everquest.
174. I don%26#039;t want to miss Martha Stewart%26#039;s premiere.
175. I have to teach my frog how to croak.
176. I%26#039;m too busy watching the paint dry.
177. The %26quot;Rocky%26quot; marathon is on that night.
178. I promised my mum I%26#039;d bathe the hamster.
179. I tripped over an ant and broke my leg.
180. I need to clip my nose hairs.
181. I have to read the labels on all of my food.
182. You are extremely unattractive. Sorry, someone had to tell you.
183. I%26#039;m gay.
184. I don%26#039;t like you.
185. My goat broke a horn.
186. I have to go to the dentist.
187. I have to brush my dog%26#039;s teeth.
188. I must go in search of my charms which were stolen by an angry leprechaun.
189. I%26#039;m going to the moon.
190. My water wings are flat.
191. I have to stay home and give my goldfish a bath.
192. I%26#039;m going to be playing with my mental blocks.
193. I have to wax the driveway.
194. I%26#039;m not into dating right now.
195. I%26#039;m teaching my goldfish how to play the electric guitar.
196. I%26#039;m teaching my dog to meow.
197. I have to watch Oprah.
198. I like you, but my friends said I can%26#039;t go out with you.
199. I like your best friend.
200. I%26#039;m complicated to go out with.
201. I just found out we%26#039;re related.
202. On my list of things to do, seeing you is at the bottom.
Funny date joke?
lol...
wow...amazing how you came up with all those...
but, you forgot something...
what about...
I%26#039;d love to go out with you but I%26#039;m still re-threading my toothbrush bristles, hmmnnn?
=)
Reply:Haha.
Reply:...........................................
Reply:i hope you copy and pasted all those, or you have TOO much time on your hands (must be cos you miss so many dates!!)
Reply:WOW!!! that was a mouth full but still really funny!!!!!!!!
Reply:LOL, I%26#039;m always tempted to say I have nothing to wear for our date....bt something tells me it%26#039;s not a good way to turn someone down.
Reply:thats funny, too many to look at all of them, but I do remember my friend told me to use the one that said, I want to get back with my ex boyfriend. And number 201 happened for real with my cousin. I havent heard none of these myself, im lucky
Reply:ok thanks for the lame joke
Reply:Omg~! That is soooo funny! Hillarious~!
Reply:LOL! Luckily, I have never had to say those things...
ღβrιτταηyღ
Reply:love number 5 :D
horses for loan
What do you think of this speech that Barack Obama made?
The Scripture tells us that when Joshua and the Israelites arrived at the gates of Jericho, they could not enter. The walls of the city were too steep for any one person to climb; too strong to be taken down with brute force. And so they sat for days, unable to pass on through.
But God had a plan for his people. He told them to stand together and march together around the city, and on the seventh day he told them that when they heard the sound of the ram%26#039;s horn, they should speak with one voice. And at the chosen hour, when the horn sounded and a chorus of voices cried out together, the mighty walls of Jericho came tumbling down.
There are many lessons to take from this passage, just as there are many lessons to take from this day, just as there are many memories that fill the space of this church. As I was thinking about which ones we need to remember at this hour, my mind went back to the very beginning of the modern Civil Rights Era.
Because before Memphis and the mountaintop; before the bridge in Selma and the march on Washington; before Birmingham and the beatings; the fire hoses and the loss of those four little girls; before there was King the icon and his magnificent dream, there was King the young preacher and a people who found themselves suffering under the yoke of oppression.
And on the eve of the bus boycotts in Montgomery, at a time when many were still doubtful about the possibilities of change, a time when those in the black community mistrusted themselves, and at times mistrusted each other, King inspired with words not of anger, but of an urgency that still speaks to us today:
%26quot;Unity is the great need of the hour%26quot; is what King said. Unity is how we shall overcome.
What Dr. King understood is that if just one person chose to walk instead of ride the bus, those walls of oppression would not be moved. But maybe if a few more walked, the foundation might start to shake. If a few more women were willing to do what Rosa Parks had done, maybe the cracks would start to show. If teenagers took freedom rides from North to South, maybe a few bricks would come loose. Maybe if white folks marched because they had come to understand that their freedom too was at stake in the impending battle, the wall would begin to sway. And if enough Americans were awakened to the injustice; if they joined together, North and South, rich and poor, Christian and Jew, then perhaps that wall would come tumbling down, and justice would flow like water, and righteousness like a mighty stream.
Unity is the great need of the hour -- the great need of this hour. Not because it sounds pleasant or because it makes us feel good, but because it%26#039;s the only way we can overcome the essential deficit that exists in this country.
I%26#039;m not talking about a budget deficit. I%26#039;m not talking about a trade deficit. I%26#039;m not talking about a deficit of good ideas or new plans.
I%26#039;m talking about a moral deficit. I%26#039;m talking about an empathy deficit. I%26#039;m taking about an inability to recognize ourselves in one another; to understand that we are our brother%26#039;s keeper; we are our sister%26#039;s keeper; that, in the words of Dr. King, we are all tied together in a single garment of destiny.
We have an empathy deficit when we%26#039;re still sending our children down corridors of shame -- schools in the forgotten corners of America where the color of your skin still affects the content of your education.
We have a deficit when CEOs are making more in ten minutes than some workers make in ten months; when families lose their homes so that lenders make a profit; when mothers can%26#039;t afford a doctor when their children get sick.
We have a deficit in this country when there is Scooter Libby justice for some and Jena justice for others; when our children see nooses hanging from a schoolyard tree today, in the present, in the twenty-first century.
We have a deficit when homeless veterans sleep on the streets of our cities; when innocents are slaughtered in the deserts of Darfur; when young Americans serve tour after tour of duty in a war that should%26#039;ve never been authorized and never been waged.
And we have a deficit when it takes a breach in our levees to reveal a breach in our compassion; when it takes a terrible storm to reveal the hungry that God calls on us to feed; the sick He calls on us to care for; the least of these He commands that we treat as our own.
So we have a deficit to close. We have walls -- barriers to justice and equality -- that must come down. And to do this, we know that unity is the great need of this hour.
Unfortunately, all too often when we talk about unity in this country, we%26#039;ve come to believe that it can be purchased on the cheap. We%26#039;ve come to believe that racial reconciliation can come easily -- that it%26#039;s just a matter of a few ignorant people trapped in the prejudices of the past, and that if the demagogues and those who exploit our racial divisions will simply go away, then all our problems would be solved.
All too often, we seek to ignore the profound institutional barriers that stand in the way of ensuring opportunity for all children, or decent jobs for all people, or health care for those who are sick. We long for unity, but are unwilling to pay the price.
But of course, true unity cannot be so easily won. It starts with a change in attitudes -- a broadening of our minds, and a broadening of our hearts.
It%26#039;s not easy to stand in somebody else%26#039;s shoes. It%26#039;s not easy to see past our differences. We%26#039;ve all encountered this in our own lives. But what makes it even more difficult is that we have a politics in this country that seeks to drive us apart -- that puts up walls between us.
We are told that those who differ from us on a few things are different from us on all things; that our problems are the fault of those who don%26#039;t think like us or look like us or come from where we do. The welfare queen is taking our tax money. The immigrant is taking our jobs. The believer condemns the non-believer as immoral, and the non-believer chides the believer as intolerant.
For most of this country%26#039;s history, we in the African-American community have been at the receiving end of man%26#039;s inhumanity to man. And all of us understand intimately the insidious role that race still sometimes plays -- on the job, in the schools, in our health care system, and in our criminal justice system.
And yet, if we are honest with ourselves, we must admit that none of our hands are entirely clean. If we%26#039;re honest with ourselves, we%26#039;ll acknowledge that our own community has not always been true to King%26#039;s vision of a beloved community.
We have scorned our gay brothers and sisters instead of embracing them. The scourge of anti-Semitism has, at times, revealed itself in our community. For too long, some of us have seen immigrants as competitors for jobs instead of companions in the fight for opportunity.
Every day, our politics fuels and exploits this kind of division across all races and regions; across gender and party. It is played out on television. It is sensationalized by the media. And last week, it even crept into the campaign for President, with charges and counter-charges that served to obscure the issues instead of illuminating the critical choices we face as a nation.
So let us say that on this day of all days, each of us carries with us the task of changing our hearts and minds. The division, the stereotypes, the scape-goating, the ease with which we blame our plight on others -- all of this distracts us from the common challenges we face -- war and poverty; injustice and inequality. We can no longer afford to build ourselves up by tearing someone else down. We can no longer afford to traffic in lies or fear or hate. It is the poison that we must purge from our politics; the wall that we must tear down before the hour grows too late.
Because if Dr. King could love his jailor; if he could call on the faithful who once sat where you do to forgive those who set dogs and fire hoses upon them, then surely we can look past what divides us in our time, and bind up our wounds, and erase the empathy deficit that exists in our hearts.
But if changing our hearts and minds is the first critical step, we cannot stop there. It is not enough to bemoan the plight of poor children in this country and remain unwilling to push our elected officials to provide the resources to fix our schools. It is not enough to decry the disparities of health care and yet allow the insurance companies and the drug companies to block much-needed reforms. It is not enough for us to abhor the costs of a misguided war, and yet allow ourselves to be driven by a politics of fear that sees the threat of attack as way to scare up votes instead of a call to come together around a common effort.
The Scripture tells us that we are judged not just by word, but by deed. And if we are to truly bring about the unity that is so crucial in this time, we must find it within ourselves to act on what we know; to understand that living up to this country%26#039;s ideals and its possibilities will require great effort and resources; sacrifice and stamina.
And that is what is at stake in the great political debate we are having today. The changes that are needed are not just a matter of tinkering at the edges, and they will not come if politicians simply tell us what we want to hear. All of us will be called upon to make some sacrifice. None of us will be exempt from responsibility. We will have to fight to fix our schools, but we will also have to challenge ourselves to be better parents. We will have to confront the biases in our criminal justice system, but we will also have to acknowledge the deep-seated violence that still resides in our own communities and marshal the will to break its grip.
That is how we will bring about the change we seek. That is how Dr. King led this country through the wilderness. He did it with words -- words that he spoke not just to the children of slaves, but the children of slave owners. Words that inspired not just black but also white; not just the Christian but the Jew; not just the Southerner but also the Northerner.
He led with words, but he also led with deeds. He also led by example. He led by marching and going to jail and suffering threats and being away from his family. He led by taking a stand against a war, knowing full well that it would diminish his popularity. He led by challenging our economic structures, understanding that it would cause discomfort. Dr. King understood that unity cannot be won on the cheap; that we would have to earn it through great effort and determination.
That is the unity -- the hard-earned unity -- that we need right now. It is that effort, and that determination, that can transform blind optimism into hope -- the hope to imagine, and work for, and fight for what seemed impossible before.
The stories that give me such hope don%26#039;t happen in the spotlight. They don%26#039;t happen on the presidential stage. They happen in the quiet corners of our lives. They happen in the moments we least expect. Let me give you an example of one of those stories.
There is a young, twenty-three year old white woman named Ashley Baia who organizes for our campaign in Florence, South Carolina. She%26#039;s been working to organize a mostly African-American community since the beginning of this campaign, and the other day she was at a roundtable discussion where everyone went around telling their story and why they were there.
And Ashley said that when she was nine years old, her mother got cancer. And because she had to miss days of work, she was let go and lost her health care. They had to file for bankruptcy, and that%26#039;s when Ashley decided that she had to do something to help her mom.
She knew that food was one of their most expensive costs, and so Ashley convinced her mother that what she really liked and really wanted to eat more than anything else was mustard and relish sandwiches. Because that was the cheapest way to eat.
She did this for a year until her mom got better, and she told everyone at the roundtable that the reason she joined our campaign was so that she could help the millions of other children in the country who want and need to help their parents too.
So Ashley finishes her story and then goes around the room and asks everyone else why they%26#039;re supporting the campaign. They all have different stories and reasons. Many bring up a specific issue. And finally they come to this elderly black man who%26#039;s been sitting there quietly the entire time. And Ashley asks him why he%26#039;s there. And he does not bring up a specific issue. He does not say health care or the economy. He does not say education or the war. He does not say that he was there because of Barack Obama. He simply says to everyone in the room, %26quot;I am here because of Ashley.%26quot;
By itself, that single moment of recognition between that young white girl and that old black man is not enough. It is not enough to give health care to the sick, or jobs to the jobless, or education to our children.
But it is where we begin. It is why the walls in that room began to crack and shake.
And if they can shake in that room, they can shake in Atlanta.
And if they can shake in Atlanta, they can shake in Georgia.
And if they can shake in Georgia, they can shake all across America. And if enough of our voices join together; we can bring those walls tumbling down. The walls of Jericho can finally come tumbling down. That is our hope -- but only if we pray together, and work together, and march together.
Brothers and sisters, we cannot walk alone.
In the struggle for peace and justice, we cannot walk alone.
In the struggle for opportunity and equality, we cannot walk alone
In the struggle to heal this nation and repair this world, we cannot walk alone.
So I ask you to walk with me, and march with me, and join your voice with mine, and together we will sing the song that tears down the walls that divide us, and lift up an America that is truly indivisible, with liberty, and justice, for all. May God bless the memory of the great pastor of this church, and may God bless the United States of America.
What do you think of this speech that Barack Obama made?
I would like to know how you managed to fit all those words in your question box????
Don%26#039;t they have a limit on the amount of word you can use?
Tell me what you did??
By the way..Obama%26#039;s speech ROCKED! He%26#039;s an awesome speaker!
Reply:I didn%26#039;t finish reading his speech if this is in fact his speech. It was too long to read. I just scrolled down to the end of it. Did you copy and paste? I haven%26#039;t seen this on the Internet. My opinion about what part I did read would be that Obama is grasping at straws. He%26#039;s clueless about what will attract voters. Every political candidate will always use scriptures from the Bible, children, elders, war and other influentical speakers like MLK. Why didn%26#039;t Obama use MLK in his other speeches months ago? Why pick today of all days to use MLK? MLK will not bring voters to the polls. The only way a voter will come to the polls if they have solid evidence that the economy will decrease. It%26#039;s like saying I will pay you $100-1000 for a vote. I will give you a tax free year meaning the voters won%26#039;t have to pay any taxes for the following year. That%26#039;s the only way a voter will show up. I%26#039;m voting for McCain. I voted for him in the last presidential race. I just vote for a person%26#039;s looks. I vote for the underdog like Bush. I didn%26#039;t think Bush would win but he did. I vote for the cutiest candidate cuz their speeches are just useless tactics that won%26#039;t come true. Our economy will never improve. I vote for the candidate who has a simple last name. Obama reminds be of that terrorist Osama Bin Linden name. That%26#039;s why I won%26#039;t vote for him. If McCain don%26#039;t get into the presidential race I will vote for Hilliary cuz she%26#039;s a woman like I did with the previous female candidate which I cannot remember her name. I%26#039;m 46 so I%26#039;ve been around too many presidential races. The word Unity is not a good tactic to use. If you look at the number of voters on election day you%26#039;ll noitce only 25% of voters in the entire state comes out to vote. People don%26#039;t register to vote cause you get called for Jury Duty. The day a black, female, Asian, Hispanic or another enthic gets to be President is the day I will win the lottery. All Americans are self-centered of the white culture running the White House thats why it%26#039;s called the %26quot;White%26quot; house, right? Not because it%26#039;s colored white it%26#039;s a symbol of unity. Unity of one nation. A nation that%26#039;s fixed on one set color or beliefs. Who would be Obama%26#039;s vice presidential candidate?
Reply:Oh I thought you said beaches ! Sorry Im .
Reply:I think it is a shame that ANYONE voting democrat or RUNNING democrat uses the BIBLE in their speech. SHAMEFUL to say the least.
Reply:All of this aside.. he intends to take money from the rich and give it to the poor. Now the Rich have people who will move their money overseas in a blink and the people he will take money from own a home in Cheyenne, Wyoming down in South West. He will wind up taking money from the moderately well to do, and giving it to the poor in the inner cities and I refuse to support that. All the bull aside.. if you don%26#039;t want to work down in the inner cities, it is because you don%26#039;t want to.
Do we all understand that they have suggested that for every five dollars that we send to Washington for social welfare programs, only one of the five dollars gets out and is applied to those programs? You might be able to do those programs at the State level, but at the Federal Level.. it doesn%26#039;t work. One in five stays alive, and gets down to the grocery store.
Reply:He wasn%26#039;t even born in the modern civil rights era, so its all crap and boring to boot. This election is not about civil rights and him trying to take it there makes me not respect him even more. He is playing on the emotions of a struggle he had no part in. Pathetic....simply pathetic.
Reply:It was amazing, these people are stupid!
Reply:In this time and era , too many guilt trips , too much religion talks , too long! I dont believe a word he says! This was written for him not by him! In this world there has never been justice and equality! Wars have been with us from the beginnig of time! Man is a predator , we are allconsuming, all expanding , we like to be with our colors , idioms , cultures! Is in our nature! Man cannot be what he has not been made to be!! Is the honest truth! Man is the most dangerous being on this planet that we are destroying bit by bit! We are nearing extinction by ourselves if not by war by contamination! Preaching is nice to hear m but reality is awakinng!
Reply:Most of the time when a politician makes a religious-themed speech, its because that politician is campaigning on forcing his religious beliefs on non-believers. However, this speech is significantly different, as Obama is not using religion to promote hate and war, but instead is using it for inspiration to bring about a better world.
I%26#039;m glad that the fundamentalists finally have some competition from moderate Christians in the political arena.
pink: I don%26#039;t understand where you%26#039;re coming from. According to the polls, Obama is the most electable candidate in the party which is heavily favored to win in November and he%26#039;s running on a tax cut for the Middle Class.
Reply:sorry but I don%26#039;t really care what he says - he%26#039;s unelectable and I will never support an ultra liberal that wants to raise taxes!
Nice rant!
visualarts
But God had a plan for his people. He told them to stand together and march together around the city, and on the seventh day he told them that when they heard the sound of the ram%26#039;s horn, they should speak with one voice. And at the chosen hour, when the horn sounded and a chorus of voices cried out together, the mighty walls of Jericho came tumbling down.
There are many lessons to take from this passage, just as there are many lessons to take from this day, just as there are many memories that fill the space of this church. As I was thinking about which ones we need to remember at this hour, my mind went back to the very beginning of the modern Civil Rights Era.
Because before Memphis and the mountaintop; before the bridge in Selma and the march on Washington; before Birmingham and the beatings; the fire hoses and the loss of those four little girls; before there was King the icon and his magnificent dream, there was King the young preacher and a people who found themselves suffering under the yoke of oppression.
And on the eve of the bus boycotts in Montgomery, at a time when many were still doubtful about the possibilities of change, a time when those in the black community mistrusted themselves, and at times mistrusted each other, King inspired with words not of anger, but of an urgency that still speaks to us today:
%26quot;Unity is the great need of the hour%26quot; is what King said. Unity is how we shall overcome.
What Dr. King understood is that if just one person chose to walk instead of ride the bus, those walls of oppression would not be moved. But maybe if a few more walked, the foundation might start to shake. If a few more women were willing to do what Rosa Parks had done, maybe the cracks would start to show. If teenagers took freedom rides from North to South, maybe a few bricks would come loose. Maybe if white folks marched because they had come to understand that their freedom too was at stake in the impending battle, the wall would begin to sway. And if enough Americans were awakened to the injustice; if they joined together, North and South, rich and poor, Christian and Jew, then perhaps that wall would come tumbling down, and justice would flow like water, and righteousness like a mighty stream.
Unity is the great need of the hour -- the great need of this hour. Not because it sounds pleasant or because it makes us feel good, but because it%26#039;s the only way we can overcome the essential deficit that exists in this country.
I%26#039;m not talking about a budget deficit. I%26#039;m not talking about a trade deficit. I%26#039;m not talking about a deficit of good ideas or new plans.
I%26#039;m talking about a moral deficit. I%26#039;m talking about an empathy deficit. I%26#039;m taking about an inability to recognize ourselves in one another; to understand that we are our brother%26#039;s keeper; we are our sister%26#039;s keeper; that, in the words of Dr. King, we are all tied together in a single garment of destiny.
We have an empathy deficit when we%26#039;re still sending our children down corridors of shame -- schools in the forgotten corners of America where the color of your skin still affects the content of your education.
We have a deficit when CEOs are making more in ten minutes than some workers make in ten months; when families lose their homes so that lenders make a profit; when mothers can%26#039;t afford a doctor when their children get sick.
We have a deficit in this country when there is Scooter Libby justice for some and Jena justice for others; when our children see nooses hanging from a schoolyard tree today, in the present, in the twenty-first century.
We have a deficit when homeless veterans sleep on the streets of our cities; when innocents are slaughtered in the deserts of Darfur; when young Americans serve tour after tour of duty in a war that should%26#039;ve never been authorized and never been waged.
And we have a deficit when it takes a breach in our levees to reveal a breach in our compassion; when it takes a terrible storm to reveal the hungry that God calls on us to feed; the sick He calls on us to care for; the least of these He commands that we treat as our own.
So we have a deficit to close. We have walls -- barriers to justice and equality -- that must come down. And to do this, we know that unity is the great need of this hour.
Unfortunately, all too often when we talk about unity in this country, we%26#039;ve come to believe that it can be purchased on the cheap. We%26#039;ve come to believe that racial reconciliation can come easily -- that it%26#039;s just a matter of a few ignorant people trapped in the prejudices of the past, and that if the demagogues and those who exploit our racial divisions will simply go away, then all our problems would be solved.
All too often, we seek to ignore the profound institutional barriers that stand in the way of ensuring opportunity for all children, or decent jobs for all people, or health care for those who are sick. We long for unity, but are unwilling to pay the price.
But of course, true unity cannot be so easily won. It starts with a change in attitudes -- a broadening of our minds, and a broadening of our hearts.
It%26#039;s not easy to stand in somebody else%26#039;s shoes. It%26#039;s not easy to see past our differences. We%26#039;ve all encountered this in our own lives. But what makes it even more difficult is that we have a politics in this country that seeks to drive us apart -- that puts up walls between us.
We are told that those who differ from us on a few things are different from us on all things; that our problems are the fault of those who don%26#039;t think like us or look like us or come from where we do. The welfare queen is taking our tax money. The immigrant is taking our jobs. The believer condemns the non-believer as immoral, and the non-believer chides the believer as intolerant.
For most of this country%26#039;s history, we in the African-American community have been at the receiving end of man%26#039;s inhumanity to man. And all of us understand intimately the insidious role that race still sometimes plays -- on the job, in the schools, in our health care system, and in our criminal justice system.
And yet, if we are honest with ourselves, we must admit that none of our hands are entirely clean. If we%26#039;re honest with ourselves, we%26#039;ll acknowledge that our own community has not always been true to King%26#039;s vision of a beloved community.
We have scorned our gay brothers and sisters instead of embracing them. The scourge of anti-Semitism has, at times, revealed itself in our community. For too long, some of us have seen immigrants as competitors for jobs instead of companions in the fight for opportunity.
Every day, our politics fuels and exploits this kind of division across all races and regions; across gender and party. It is played out on television. It is sensationalized by the media. And last week, it even crept into the campaign for President, with charges and counter-charges that served to obscure the issues instead of illuminating the critical choices we face as a nation.
So let us say that on this day of all days, each of us carries with us the task of changing our hearts and minds. The division, the stereotypes, the scape-goating, the ease with which we blame our plight on others -- all of this distracts us from the common challenges we face -- war and poverty; injustice and inequality. We can no longer afford to build ourselves up by tearing someone else down. We can no longer afford to traffic in lies or fear or hate. It is the poison that we must purge from our politics; the wall that we must tear down before the hour grows too late.
Because if Dr. King could love his jailor; if he could call on the faithful who once sat where you do to forgive those who set dogs and fire hoses upon them, then surely we can look past what divides us in our time, and bind up our wounds, and erase the empathy deficit that exists in our hearts.
But if changing our hearts and minds is the first critical step, we cannot stop there. It is not enough to bemoan the plight of poor children in this country and remain unwilling to push our elected officials to provide the resources to fix our schools. It is not enough to decry the disparities of health care and yet allow the insurance companies and the drug companies to block much-needed reforms. It is not enough for us to abhor the costs of a misguided war, and yet allow ourselves to be driven by a politics of fear that sees the threat of attack as way to scare up votes instead of a call to come together around a common effort.
The Scripture tells us that we are judged not just by word, but by deed. And if we are to truly bring about the unity that is so crucial in this time, we must find it within ourselves to act on what we know; to understand that living up to this country%26#039;s ideals and its possibilities will require great effort and resources; sacrifice and stamina.
And that is what is at stake in the great political debate we are having today. The changes that are needed are not just a matter of tinkering at the edges, and they will not come if politicians simply tell us what we want to hear. All of us will be called upon to make some sacrifice. None of us will be exempt from responsibility. We will have to fight to fix our schools, but we will also have to challenge ourselves to be better parents. We will have to confront the biases in our criminal justice system, but we will also have to acknowledge the deep-seated violence that still resides in our own communities and marshal the will to break its grip.
That is how we will bring about the change we seek. That is how Dr. King led this country through the wilderness. He did it with words -- words that he spoke not just to the children of slaves, but the children of slave owners. Words that inspired not just black but also white; not just the Christian but the Jew; not just the Southerner but also the Northerner.
He led with words, but he also led with deeds. He also led by example. He led by marching and going to jail and suffering threats and being away from his family. He led by taking a stand against a war, knowing full well that it would diminish his popularity. He led by challenging our economic structures, understanding that it would cause discomfort. Dr. King understood that unity cannot be won on the cheap; that we would have to earn it through great effort and determination.
That is the unity -- the hard-earned unity -- that we need right now. It is that effort, and that determination, that can transform blind optimism into hope -- the hope to imagine, and work for, and fight for what seemed impossible before.
The stories that give me such hope don%26#039;t happen in the spotlight. They don%26#039;t happen on the presidential stage. They happen in the quiet corners of our lives. They happen in the moments we least expect. Let me give you an example of one of those stories.
There is a young, twenty-three year old white woman named Ashley Baia who organizes for our campaign in Florence, South Carolina. She%26#039;s been working to organize a mostly African-American community since the beginning of this campaign, and the other day she was at a roundtable discussion where everyone went around telling their story and why they were there.
And Ashley said that when she was nine years old, her mother got cancer. And because she had to miss days of work, she was let go and lost her health care. They had to file for bankruptcy, and that%26#039;s when Ashley decided that she had to do something to help her mom.
She knew that food was one of their most expensive costs, and so Ashley convinced her mother that what she really liked and really wanted to eat more than anything else was mustard and relish sandwiches. Because that was the cheapest way to eat.
She did this for a year until her mom got better, and she told everyone at the roundtable that the reason she joined our campaign was so that she could help the millions of other children in the country who want and need to help their parents too.
So Ashley finishes her story and then goes around the room and asks everyone else why they%26#039;re supporting the campaign. They all have different stories and reasons. Many bring up a specific issue. And finally they come to this elderly black man who%26#039;s been sitting there quietly the entire time. And Ashley asks him why he%26#039;s there. And he does not bring up a specific issue. He does not say health care or the economy. He does not say education or the war. He does not say that he was there because of Barack Obama. He simply says to everyone in the room, %26quot;I am here because of Ashley.%26quot;
By itself, that single moment of recognition between that young white girl and that old black man is not enough. It is not enough to give health care to the sick, or jobs to the jobless, or education to our children.
But it is where we begin. It is why the walls in that room began to crack and shake.
And if they can shake in that room, they can shake in Atlanta.
And if they can shake in Atlanta, they can shake in Georgia.
And if they can shake in Georgia, they can shake all across America. And if enough of our voices join together; we can bring those walls tumbling down. The walls of Jericho can finally come tumbling down. That is our hope -- but only if we pray together, and work together, and march together.
Brothers and sisters, we cannot walk alone.
In the struggle for peace and justice, we cannot walk alone.
In the struggle for opportunity and equality, we cannot walk alone
In the struggle to heal this nation and repair this world, we cannot walk alone.
So I ask you to walk with me, and march with me, and join your voice with mine, and together we will sing the song that tears down the walls that divide us, and lift up an America that is truly indivisible, with liberty, and justice, for all. May God bless the memory of the great pastor of this church, and may God bless the United States of America.
What do you think of this speech that Barack Obama made?
I would like to know how you managed to fit all those words in your question box????
Don%26#039;t they have a limit on the amount of word you can use?
Tell me what you did??
By the way..Obama%26#039;s speech ROCKED! He%26#039;s an awesome speaker!
Reply:I didn%26#039;t finish reading his speech if this is in fact his speech. It was too long to read. I just scrolled down to the end of it. Did you copy and paste? I haven%26#039;t seen this on the Internet. My opinion about what part I did read would be that Obama is grasping at straws. He%26#039;s clueless about what will attract voters. Every political candidate will always use scriptures from the Bible, children, elders, war and other influentical speakers like MLK. Why didn%26#039;t Obama use MLK in his other speeches months ago? Why pick today of all days to use MLK? MLK will not bring voters to the polls. The only way a voter will come to the polls if they have solid evidence that the economy will decrease. It%26#039;s like saying I will pay you $100-1000 for a vote. I will give you a tax free year meaning the voters won%26#039;t have to pay any taxes for the following year. That%26#039;s the only way a voter will show up. I%26#039;m voting for McCain. I voted for him in the last presidential race. I just vote for a person%26#039;s looks. I vote for the underdog like Bush. I didn%26#039;t think Bush would win but he did. I vote for the cutiest candidate cuz their speeches are just useless tactics that won%26#039;t come true. Our economy will never improve. I vote for the candidate who has a simple last name. Obama reminds be of that terrorist Osama Bin Linden name. That%26#039;s why I won%26#039;t vote for him. If McCain don%26#039;t get into the presidential race I will vote for Hilliary cuz she%26#039;s a woman like I did with the previous female candidate which I cannot remember her name. I%26#039;m 46 so I%26#039;ve been around too many presidential races. The word Unity is not a good tactic to use. If you look at the number of voters on election day you%26#039;ll noitce only 25% of voters in the entire state comes out to vote. People don%26#039;t register to vote cause you get called for Jury Duty. The day a black, female, Asian, Hispanic or another enthic gets to be President is the day I will win the lottery. All Americans are self-centered of the white culture running the White House thats why it%26#039;s called the %26quot;White%26quot; house, right? Not because it%26#039;s colored white it%26#039;s a symbol of unity. Unity of one nation. A nation that%26#039;s fixed on one set color or beliefs. Who would be Obama%26#039;s vice presidential candidate?
Reply:Oh I thought you said beaches ! Sorry Im .
Reply:I think it is a shame that ANYONE voting democrat or RUNNING democrat uses the BIBLE in their speech. SHAMEFUL to say the least.
Reply:All of this aside.. he intends to take money from the rich and give it to the poor. Now the Rich have people who will move their money overseas in a blink and the people he will take money from own a home in Cheyenne, Wyoming down in South West. He will wind up taking money from the moderately well to do, and giving it to the poor in the inner cities and I refuse to support that. All the bull aside.. if you don%26#039;t want to work down in the inner cities, it is because you don%26#039;t want to.
Do we all understand that they have suggested that for every five dollars that we send to Washington for social welfare programs, only one of the five dollars gets out and is applied to those programs? You might be able to do those programs at the State level, but at the Federal Level.. it doesn%26#039;t work. One in five stays alive, and gets down to the grocery store.
Reply:He wasn%26#039;t even born in the modern civil rights era, so its all crap and boring to boot. This election is not about civil rights and him trying to take it there makes me not respect him even more. He is playing on the emotions of a struggle he had no part in. Pathetic....simply pathetic.
Reply:It was amazing, these people are stupid!
Reply:In this time and era , too many guilt trips , too much religion talks , too long! I dont believe a word he says! This was written for him not by him! In this world there has never been justice and equality! Wars have been with us from the beginnig of time! Man is a predator , we are allconsuming, all expanding , we like to be with our colors , idioms , cultures! Is in our nature! Man cannot be what he has not been made to be!! Is the honest truth! Man is the most dangerous being on this planet that we are destroying bit by bit! We are nearing extinction by ourselves if not by war by contamination! Preaching is nice to hear m but reality is awakinng!
Reply:Most of the time when a politician makes a religious-themed speech, its because that politician is campaigning on forcing his religious beliefs on non-believers. However, this speech is significantly different, as Obama is not using religion to promote hate and war, but instead is using it for inspiration to bring about a better world.
I%26#039;m glad that the fundamentalists finally have some competition from moderate Christians in the political arena.
pink: I don%26#039;t understand where you%26#039;re coming from. According to the polls, Obama is the most electable candidate in the party which is heavily favored to win in November and he%26#039;s running on a tax cut for the Middle Class.
Reply:sorry but I don%26#039;t really care what he says - he%26#039;s unelectable and I will never support an ultra liberal that wants to raise taxes!
Nice rant!
visualarts
Another funny list.?
Date Excuses
Hopefully you%26#039;ve never had these used on you, but this is a list of excuses to use if that %26quot;special%26quot; someone asks you out and you don%26#039;t know how to say no. If someone gives you one of these excuses, it is very likely that they have absolutely no interest in going out with you.
1. I have to floss my cat.
2. I%26#039;ve dedicated my life to linguini.
3. I want to spend more time with my blender.
4. The President said he might drop in.
5. The man on television told me to say tuned.
6. I%26#039;ve been scheduled for a karma transplant.
7. I%26#039;m staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
8. It%26#039;s my parakeet%26#039;s bowling night.
9. It wouldn%26#039;t be fair to the other Beautiful People.
10. I%26#039;m building a pig from a kit.
11. I did my own thing and now I%26#039;ve got to undo it.
12. I%26#039;m enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
13. There%26#039;s a disturbance in the Force.
14. I%26#039;m doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
15. I have to go to the post office to see if I%26#039;m still wanted.
16. I%26#039;m teaching my ferret to yodel.
17. I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
18. I%26#039;m going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal.
19. I%26#039;m planning to go downtown to try on gloves.
20. My crayons all melted together.
21. I%26#039;m trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
22. I%26#039;m in training to be a household pest.
23. I%26#039;m getting my overalls overhauled.
24. My patent is pending.
25. I%26#039;m attending the opening of my garage door.
26. I%26#039;m sandblasting my oven.
27. I%26#039;m worried about my vertical hold.
28. I%26#039;m going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
29. I%26#039;m being deported.
30. The grunion are running.
31. I%26#039;ll be looking for a parking space.
32. My Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then.
33. The monsters haven%26#039;t turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots.
34. I%26#039;m taking punk totem pole carving.
35. I have to fluff my shower cap.
36. I%26#039;m converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
37. I%26#039;ve come down with a really horrible case of something or other.
38. I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
39. My plot to take over the world is thickening.
40. I have to fulfill my potential.
41. I don%26#039;t want to leave my comfort zone.
42. It%26#039;s too close to the turn of the century.
43. I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
44. My subconscious says no.
45. I%26#039;m giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
46. I left my body in my other clothes.
47. The last time I went out, I never came back.
48. I%26#039;ve got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.
49. I have to answer all of my %26quot;occupant%26quot; letters.
50. None of my socks match.
51. I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
52. I%26#039;m having all my plants neutered.
53. People are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.
54. I changed the lock on my door and now I can%26#039;t get out.
55. I%26#039;m making a home movie called %26quot;The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator.%26quot;
56. I%26#039;m attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
57. My yucca plant is feeling yucky.
58. I%26#039;m touring China with a wok band.
59. My chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
60. I never go out on days that end in %26quot;Y.%26quot;
61. My mother would never let me hear the end of it.
62. I%26#039;m running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange student named Basil Metabolism.
63. I just picked up a book called %26quot;Glue in Many Lands%26quot; and I can%26#039;t put it down.
64. I%26#039;m too old/young for that stuff.
65. I have to ash/condition/perm/curl/tease my hair.
66. I have too much guilt.
67. There are important world issues that need worrying about.
68. I have to draw %26quot;Cubby%26quot; for an art scholarship.
69. I%26#039;m uncomfortable when I%26#039;m alone or with others.
70. I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
71. I feel a song coming on.
72. I%26#039;m trying to be less popular.
73. My bathroom tiles need grouting.
74. I have to bleach my hare.
75. I%26#039;m waiting to see if I%26#039;m already a winner.
76. I%26#039;m writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.
77. You know how we psychos are.
78. My favorite commercial is on TV.
79. I have to study for a blood test.
80. I%26#039;m going to be old someday.
81. I%26#039;ve been traded to Cincinnati.
82. I%26#039;m observing National Apathy Week.
83. I have to rotate my crops.
84. My uncle escaped again.
85. I%26#039;m up to my elbows in waxy buildup.
86. I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
87. I%26#039;m having my baby shoes bronzed.
88. I have to go to court for kitty littering.
89. I%26#039;m going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
90. I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
91. Having fun gives me prickly heat.
92. I%26#039;m going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.
93. I have to jog my memory.
94. My palm reader advised against it.
95. My Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
96. I have to stay home and see if I snore.
97. I prefer to remain an enigma.
98. I think you want the OTHER [your name].
99. I have to sit up with a sick ant.
100. I%26#039;m trying to cut down.
101. My asthma is acting up again
102. That would interfere with my time to wait for the government to take me away.
103. You%26#039;re ugly, I%26#039;m busy, have a nice day
104. Its my goldfish%26#039;s birthday
105. Uh, I have stuff to do.
106. I have to make an air sandwich
107. I have to hide the bodies.
108. I don%26#039;t have time to go on a date...with YOU!
109. I have to wash my hair.
110. I have to clean my toilet
111. I need to spend quality time with my weed wacker
112. I need to clean the air in my room
113. My hamster is having a heart transplant and I need to stay for moral support.
114. I caught a rare deadly African disease that%26#039;s highly contagious.
115. My gerbil is getting married.
116. I have plans to clean the cracks in my floor
117. Sorry, when you came to my door I mistook you for a mormon and took cover.
118. I had to rob your house
119. That%26#039;s the night I reorganize my rock collection.
120. Pinnochio is on tonight
121. I have to try out for the ice skating team at school.
122. I don%26#039;t date outside my species
123. Sorry I think I%26#039;m gay
124. I have to go...........over..............there.
125. My butt is to big in this dress
126. I have to take out the trash
127. My dog had baby kittens.
128. I can%26#039;t, I need to take my computer apart and put it back together.
129. I have to go shopping for my mother.
130. I%26#039;m sorry, I have to rotate the strings on all of my shoes.
131. No
132. I told my car I would tenderly rub wax into it%26#039;s body
133. I have to go for my full body wax appointment
134. I can%26#039;t I was asked to go to another party w/o you
135. I don%26#039;t date goats!
136. Ally Mcbeal is on
137. I%26#039;m reading with my widower
138. I have to brush my teeth.
139. Alf comes on soon
140. I%26#039;m sick.
141. I%26#039;ve had a better offer, some bloke is coming round to set fire to my head
142. I%26#039;m busy cleaning the blood off my axe
143. My dad said I can%26#039;t date till I am married
144. I%26#039;m shaving my dog.
145. It%26#039;s against my religion to date people named (insert relevant name)
146. My grandma is on fire.
147. I%26#039;m getting married tonight.
148. I%26#039;m engaged.
149. I don%26#039;t want to ruin our friendship.
150. I have family in town.
151. I just washed my hair.
152. It%26#039;s that time of the month again.
153. My father%26#039;s grandmother%26#039;s aunt%26#039;s mother died.
154. I have to take down the Christmas lights.
155. I have to go to a surprise party for my grandma%26#039;s birthday.
156. I left my tolerance in another coat.
157. I just got back together with my ex
158. I don%26#039;t like people.
159. I have to alphabetize my CDs. (Hey, is that supposed to be insulting to me? -- dan)
160. I might see someone who knows me.
161. My brother%26#039;s sister%26#039;s mum%26#039;s son%26#039;s dad died.
162. I would, but it would be a complete waste of make-up.
163. My pet snake is constipated again.
164. I have a phobia of people named (insert name here).
165. I have to teach my pig to sing.
166. I just got sick (right after you asked me out).
167. My dog is too tired.
168. I never said I%26#039;d go out with you, that was my evil twin.
169. I would go out with you but my waiting list is full.
170. There%26#039;s a four hour TV special on trimming shrubbery.
171. I%26#039;m washing the sofa.
172. I have to milk my cow.
173. Everquest.
174. I don%26#039;t want to miss Martha Stewart%26#039;s premiere.
175. I have to teach my frog how to croak.
176. I%26#039;m too busy watching the paint dry.
177. The %26quot;Rocky%26quot; marathon is on that night.
178. I promised my mum I%26#039;d bathe the hamster.
179. I tripped over an ant and broke my leg.
180. I need to clip my nose hairs.
181. I have to read the labels on all of my food.
182. You are extremely unattractive. Sorry, someone had to tell you.
183. I%26#039;m gay.
184. I don%26#039;t like you.
185. My goat broke a horn.
186. I have to go to the dentist.
187. I have to brush my dog%26#039;s teeth.
188. I must go in search of my charms which were stolen by an angry leprechaun.
189. I%26#039;m going to the moon.
190. My water wings are flat.
191. I have to stay home and give my goldfish a bath.
192. I%26#039;m going to be playing with my mental blocks.
193. I have to wax the driveway.
194. I%26#039;m not into dating right now.
195. I%26#039;m teaching my goldfish how to play the electric guitar.
196. I%26#039;m teaching my dog to meow.
197. I have to watch Oprah.
198. I like you, but my friends said I can%26#039;t go out with you.
199. I like your best friend.
200. I%26#039;m complicated to go out with.
201. I just found out we%26#039;re related.
202. On my list of things to do, seeing you is at the bottom.
Another funny list.?
ok i like didnt read none of them
Reply:lol! you must have some wild (not) dating experience!
have a star!!
Reply:thts a BIG list
Reply:ROFL %26quot;I want to spend time with my blender. And 183.%26quot; I liked it. It was a very thorough list. Now what%26#039;s your question? :p
Reply:200!!!i cant read all of those but i read the first 50 and they desirve a star
Reply:his is an extremely......... long list.
Reply:Woah, long list. Star for the work. Even though you may have just copy+paste.
Reply:I have actually heard them all. Here are a few more for your list. My Grandmother just died. I%26#039;m really depressed. I%26#039;m busy and don%26#039;t have time to date. I already have several boyfriends and don%26#039;t want to add any more. This one was used on me in grade school %26quot;I%26#039;m not into dancing, I don%26#039;t even want to go to the school dance.%26quot; There is nothing more important the first time you meet someone than that instant physical attraction, so goodbye. I have a friend coming into town that day. I%26#039;m moving. I%26#039;m not into dating anyone younger than myself. I just don%26#039;t think it%26#039;s going to workout. I don%26#039;t date coworkers. You are really such a sweet and nice person. I see you only as a friend. I just got out of a relationship. I just met someone. I have to work a triple shift at the diner every night this week. I know there%26#039;s more that I%26#039;ve heard over the years besides whats on your list and what I just wrote, but I can%26#039;t think of them right now.-thought of a few more. I have to do laundry that day. I just have nothing to wear. I can%26#039;t because I have to go wash my hair. I just remembered I have plans to do something with my roommate. I%26#039;m hanging out with my friends that day. I can%26#039;t commit to plans for next weekend and anything sooner is way to last minute for me. Very busy I have so many other things going on in my life.
Reply:FTW!!! =DD
Reply:DANG good 1s i will use that on my girlfriend...hope she doesnt use y/a
Reply:lol i read almost all of them and i cracked up
Reply:wow..this is great!
must%26#039;ve taken a lot of work.
star for you! =]
Reply:Good list! I think I am going to try some of those lines the next time I need an excuse to get out of a date.
Reply:Even my Dad thought some were funny, congratulations!! star for you!! :P
Reply:gave u a star nice and funny :D
visual arts
Hopefully you%26#039;ve never had these used on you, but this is a list of excuses to use if that %26quot;special%26quot; someone asks you out and you don%26#039;t know how to say no. If someone gives you one of these excuses, it is very likely that they have absolutely no interest in going out with you.
1. I have to floss my cat.
2. I%26#039;ve dedicated my life to linguini.
3. I want to spend more time with my blender.
4. The President said he might drop in.
5. The man on television told me to say tuned.
6. I%26#039;ve been scheduled for a karma transplant.
7. I%26#039;m staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
8. It%26#039;s my parakeet%26#039;s bowling night.
9. It wouldn%26#039;t be fair to the other Beautiful People.
10. I%26#039;m building a pig from a kit.
11. I did my own thing and now I%26#039;ve got to undo it.
12. I%26#039;m enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
13. There%26#039;s a disturbance in the Force.
14. I%26#039;m doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
15. I have to go to the post office to see if I%26#039;m still wanted.
16. I%26#039;m teaching my ferret to yodel.
17. I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
18. I%26#039;m going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal.
19. I%26#039;m planning to go downtown to try on gloves.
20. My crayons all melted together.
21. I%26#039;m trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
22. I%26#039;m in training to be a household pest.
23. I%26#039;m getting my overalls overhauled.
24. My patent is pending.
25. I%26#039;m attending the opening of my garage door.
26. I%26#039;m sandblasting my oven.
27. I%26#039;m worried about my vertical hold.
28. I%26#039;m going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
29. I%26#039;m being deported.
30. The grunion are running.
31. I%26#039;ll be looking for a parking space.
32. My Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then.
33. The monsters haven%26#039;t turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots.
34. I%26#039;m taking punk totem pole carving.
35. I have to fluff my shower cap.
36. I%26#039;m converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
37. I%26#039;ve come down with a really horrible case of something or other.
38. I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
39. My plot to take over the world is thickening.
40. I have to fulfill my potential.
41. I don%26#039;t want to leave my comfort zone.
42. It%26#039;s too close to the turn of the century.
43. I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
44. My subconscious says no.
45. I%26#039;m giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
46. I left my body in my other clothes.
47. The last time I went out, I never came back.
48. I%26#039;ve got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.
49. I have to answer all of my %26quot;occupant%26quot; letters.
50. None of my socks match.
51. I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
52. I%26#039;m having all my plants neutered.
53. People are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.
54. I changed the lock on my door and now I can%26#039;t get out.
55. I%26#039;m making a home movie called %26quot;The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator.%26quot;
56. I%26#039;m attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
57. My yucca plant is feeling yucky.
58. I%26#039;m touring China with a wok band.
59. My chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
60. I never go out on days that end in %26quot;Y.%26quot;
61. My mother would never let me hear the end of it.
62. I%26#039;m running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange student named Basil Metabolism.
63. I just picked up a book called %26quot;Glue in Many Lands%26quot; and I can%26#039;t put it down.
64. I%26#039;m too old/young for that stuff.
65. I have to ash/condition/perm/curl/tease my hair.
66. I have too much guilt.
67. There are important world issues that need worrying about.
68. I have to draw %26quot;Cubby%26quot; for an art scholarship.
69. I%26#039;m uncomfortable when I%26#039;m alone or with others.
70. I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
71. I feel a song coming on.
72. I%26#039;m trying to be less popular.
73. My bathroom tiles need grouting.
74. I have to bleach my hare.
75. I%26#039;m waiting to see if I%26#039;m already a winner.
76. I%26#039;m writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.
77. You know how we psychos are.
78. My favorite commercial is on TV.
79. I have to study for a blood test.
80. I%26#039;m going to be old someday.
81. I%26#039;ve been traded to Cincinnati.
82. I%26#039;m observing National Apathy Week.
83. I have to rotate my crops.
84. My uncle escaped again.
85. I%26#039;m up to my elbows in waxy buildup.
86. I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
87. I%26#039;m having my baby shoes bronzed.
88. I have to go to court for kitty littering.
89. I%26#039;m going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
90. I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
91. Having fun gives me prickly heat.
92. I%26#039;m going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.
93. I have to jog my memory.
94. My palm reader advised against it.
95. My Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
96. I have to stay home and see if I snore.
97. I prefer to remain an enigma.
98. I think you want the OTHER [your name].
99. I have to sit up with a sick ant.
100. I%26#039;m trying to cut down.
101. My asthma is acting up again
102. That would interfere with my time to wait for the government to take me away.
103. You%26#039;re ugly, I%26#039;m busy, have a nice day
104. Its my goldfish%26#039;s birthday
105. Uh, I have stuff to do.
106. I have to make an air sandwich
107. I have to hide the bodies.
108. I don%26#039;t have time to go on a date...with YOU!
109. I have to wash my hair.
110. I have to clean my toilet
111. I need to spend quality time with my weed wacker
112. I need to clean the air in my room
113. My hamster is having a heart transplant and I need to stay for moral support.
114. I caught a rare deadly African disease that%26#039;s highly contagious.
115. My gerbil is getting married.
116. I have plans to clean the cracks in my floor
117. Sorry, when you came to my door I mistook you for a mormon and took cover.
118. I had to rob your house
119. That%26#039;s the night I reorganize my rock collection.
120. Pinnochio is on tonight
121. I have to try out for the ice skating team at school.
122. I don%26#039;t date outside my species
123. Sorry I think I%26#039;m gay
124. I have to go...........over..............there.
125. My butt is to big in this dress
126. I have to take out the trash
127. My dog had baby kittens.
128. I can%26#039;t, I need to take my computer apart and put it back together.
129. I have to go shopping for my mother.
130. I%26#039;m sorry, I have to rotate the strings on all of my shoes.
131. No
132. I told my car I would tenderly rub wax into it%26#039;s body
133. I have to go for my full body wax appointment
134. I can%26#039;t I was asked to go to another party w/o you
135. I don%26#039;t date goats!
136. Ally Mcbeal is on
137. I%26#039;m reading with my widower
138. I have to brush my teeth.
139. Alf comes on soon
140. I%26#039;m sick.
141. I%26#039;ve had a better offer, some bloke is coming round to set fire to my head
142. I%26#039;m busy cleaning the blood off my axe
143. My dad said I can%26#039;t date till I am married
144. I%26#039;m shaving my dog.
145. It%26#039;s against my religion to date people named (insert relevant name)
146. My grandma is on fire.
147. I%26#039;m getting married tonight.
148. I%26#039;m engaged.
149. I don%26#039;t want to ruin our friendship.
150. I have family in town.
151. I just washed my hair.
152. It%26#039;s that time of the month again.
153. My father%26#039;s grandmother%26#039;s aunt%26#039;s mother died.
154. I have to take down the Christmas lights.
155. I have to go to a surprise party for my grandma%26#039;s birthday.
156. I left my tolerance in another coat.
157. I just got back together with my ex
158. I don%26#039;t like people.
159. I have to alphabetize my CDs. (Hey, is that supposed to be insulting to me? -- dan)
160. I might see someone who knows me.
161. My brother%26#039;s sister%26#039;s mum%26#039;s son%26#039;s dad died.
162. I would, but it would be a complete waste of make-up.
163. My pet snake is constipated again.
164. I have a phobia of people named (insert name here).
165. I have to teach my pig to sing.
166. I just got sick (right after you asked me out).
167. My dog is too tired.
168. I never said I%26#039;d go out with you, that was my evil twin.
169. I would go out with you but my waiting list is full.
170. There%26#039;s a four hour TV special on trimming shrubbery.
171. I%26#039;m washing the sofa.
172. I have to milk my cow.
173. Everquest.
174. I don%26#039;t want to miss Martha Stewart%26#039;s premiere.
175. I have to teach my frog how to croak.
176. I%26#039;m too busy watching the paint dry.
177. The %26quot;Rocky%26quot; marathon is on that night.
178. I promised my mum I%26#039;d bathe the hamster.
179. I tripped over an ant and broke my leg.
180. I need to clip my nose hairs.
181. I have to read the labels on all of my food.
182. You are extremely unattractive. Sorry, someone had to tell you.
183. I%26#039;m gay.
184. I don%26#039;t like you.
185. My goat broke a horn.
186. I have to go to the dentist.
187. I have to brush my dog%26#039;s teeth.
188. I must go in search of my charms which were stolen by an angry leprechaun.
189. I%26#039;m going to the moon.
190. My water wings are flat.
191. I have to stay home and give my goldfish a bath.
192. I%26#039;m going to be playing with my mental blocks.
193. I have to wax the driveway.
194. I%26#039;m not into dating right now.
195. I%26#039;m teaching my goldfish how to play the electric guitar.
196. I%26#039;m teaching my dog to meow.
197. I have to watch Oprah.
198. I like you, but my friends said I can%26#039;t go out with you.
199. I like your best friend.
200. I%26#039;m complicated to go out with.
201. I just found out we%26#039;re related.
202. On my list of things to do, seeing you is at the bottom.
Another funny list.?
ok i like didnt read none of them
Reply:lol! you must have some wild (not) dating experience!
have a star!!
Reply:thts a BIG list
Reply:ROFL %26quot;I want to spend time with my blender. And 183.%26quot; I liked it. It was a very thorough list. Now what%26#039;s your question? :p
Reply:200!!!i cant read all of those but i read the first 50 and they desirve a star
Reply:his is an extremely......... long list.
Reply:Woah, long list. Star for the work. Even though you may have just copy+paste.
Reply:I have actually heard them all. Here are a few more for your list. My Grandmother just died. I%26#039;m really depressed. I%26#039;m busy and don%26#039;t have time to date. I already have several boyfriends and don%26#039;t want to add any more. This one was used on me in grade school %26quot;I%26#039;m not into dancing, I don%26#039;t even want to go to the school dance.%26quot; There is nothing more important the first time you meet someone than that instant physical attraction, so goodbye. I have a friend coming into town that day. I%26#039;m moving. I%26#039;m not into dating anyone younger than myself. I just don%26#039;t think it%26#039;s going to workout. I don%26#039;t date coworkers. You are really such a sweet and nice person. I see you only as a friend. I just got out of a relationship. I just met someone. I have to work a triple shift at the diner every night this week. I know there%26#039;s more that I%26#039;ve heard over the years besides whats on your list and what I just wrote, but I can%26#039;t think of them right now.-thought of a few more. I have to do laundry that day. I just have nothing to wear. I can%26#039;t because I have to go wash my hair. I just remembered I have plans to do something with my roommate. I%26#039;m hanging out with my friends that day. I can%26#039;t commit to plans for next weekend and anything sooner is way to last minute for me. Very busy I have so many other things going on in my life.
Reply:FTW!!! =DD
Reply:DANG good 1s i will use that on my girlfriend...hope she doesnt use y/a
Reply:lol i read almost all of them and i cracked up
Reply:wow..this is great!
must%26#039;ve taken a lot of work.
star for you! =]
Reply:Good list! I think I am going to try some of those lines the next time I need an excuse to get out of a date.
Reply:Even my Dad thought some were funny, congratulations!! star for you!! :P
Reply:gave u a star nice and funny :D
visual arts
Strange Sex Laws In the USA?
No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn%26#039;t allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you—or holding you in his arms.
Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown—if they%26#039;re nude.
In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. The beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it%26#039;s illegal to make love on the floor between the beds.
The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude, nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.
An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store%26#039;s walk-in meat freezer.
A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.
In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can%26#039;t go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job—for men only—called a corset inspector.)
In Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because %26quot;the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male.%26quot;
It%26#039;s safe to make love while parked in Coeur d%26#039;Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren%26#039;t allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
A law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can%26#039;t dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.
Lovers in Liberty Comer, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while frolicking behind the wheel of a motor vehicle, the couple can face a jail term.
Women aren%26#039;t allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio—the thinking is that a man might see the reflection of something he shouldn%26#039;t.
Maryland prohibits the selling of condoms through vending machines in gas stations and stores—with one major exception. Prophylactics may be dispensed by a vending machine only %26quot;in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.%26quot;
In Texas, no one other than a %26quot;registered pharmacist%26quot; may sell condoms or other kinds of contraceptives %26quot;on the streets or other public places.%26quot; No, not even physicians. Anyone who tries to make a few extra bucks doing this will be severely prosecuted for the dire act of %26quot;unlawfully practicing medicine.%26quot;
Kentucky and Idaho limit condom sales to medical practitioners and licensed pharmacists, but their license to sell the items may not be hung on a wall where it can be seen by customers.
Maine licenses condom sellers and the license must always be on public display.
Nevada, with 35 legal bordellos, has no condom problem. The use of condoms in Nevada brothels is compulsory.
Both Indiana and Ohio have laws that prohibit male skating instructors from having sexual relations with their female students. This misdeed, called %26quot;the seduction of female students,%26quot; is prosecuted as a felony. This statute applies only to male teachers. It seems female skating instructors may have sex with male students.
Strange Sex Laws In the USA?
in mount airy, north carolina males have to nut in their wives everytime they have sexual relations because they are trying to increase the population
Reply:%26quot;An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store%26#039;s walk-in meat freezer.%26quot;
Methinks there%26#039;s an interesting story behind this one.
Reply:is dis 4 real???? i cnt believe it....
Reply:If true, this is both halarious and sometimes sad. Thanks for the pick up
Reply:EL OH EL
Reply:ohh ok thats uhh
Reply:those are crazy!?!
tanning
Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn%26#039;t allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you—or holding you in his arms.
Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown—if they%26#039;re nude.
In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. The beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it%26#039;s illegal to make love on the floor between the beds.
The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude, nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.
An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store%26#039;s walk-in meat freezer.
A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.
In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can%26#039;t go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job—for men only—called a corset inspector.)
In Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because %26quot;the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male.%26quot;
It%26#039;s safe to make love while parked in Coeur d%26#039;Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren%26#039;t allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
A law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can%26#039;t dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.
Lovers in Liberty Comer, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while frolicking behind the wheel of a motor vehicle, the couple can face a jail term.
Women aren%26#039;t allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio—the thinking is that a man might see the reflection of something he shouldn%26#039;t.
Maryland prohibits the selling of condoms through vending machines in gas stations and stores—with one major exception. Prophylactics may be dispensed by a vending machine only %26quot;in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.%26quot;
In Texas, no one other than a %26quot;registered pharmacist%26quot; may sell condoms or other kinds of contraceptives %26quot;on the streets or other public places.%26quot; No, not even physicians. Anyone who tries to make a few extra bucks doing this will be severely prosecuted for the dire act of %26quot;unlawfully practicing medicine.%26quot;
Kentucky and Idaho limit condom sales to medical practitioners and licensed pharmacists, but their license to sell the items may not be hung on a wall where it can be seen by customers.
Maine licenses condom sellers and the license must always be on public display.
Nevada, with 35 legal bordellos, has no condom problem. The use of condoms in Nevada brothels is compulsory.
Both Indiana and Ohio have laws that prohibit male skating instructors from having sexual relations with their female students. This misdeed, called %26quot;the seduction of female students,%26quot; is prosecuted as a felony. This statute applies only to male teachers. It seems female skating instructors may have sex with male students.
Strange Sex Laws In the USA?
in mount airy, north carolina males have to nut in their wives everytime they have sexual relations because they are trying to increase the population
Reply:%26quot;An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store%26#039;s walk-in meat freezer.%26quot;
Methinks there%26#039;s an interesting story behind this one.
Reply:is dis 4 real???? i cnt believe it....
Reply:If true, this is both halarious and sometimes sad. Thanks for the pick up
Reply:EL OH EL
Reply:ohh ok thats uhh
Reply:those are crazy!?!
tanning
Did you ever try all of these?
The Most Complete List Of Ways To Annoy People, Cops, Your Roommate, And More.
Annoy People
1. Pay tolls with $100 bills
2. Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the middle of the parking lot
3. Eat produce at the market; don%26#039;t buy it
4. When giving directions, leave out a turn or two
5. Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April
6. Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons
7. Knock and ask %26quot;How is it going?%26quot; to someone constipated in a public bathroom stall.
8. Develop at least three strategies for cutting into the front of lines
9. Announce when you%26#039;re going to the bathroom
10. Chew other people%26#039;s pencils
11. Invite lots of people to other people%26#039;s parties.
12. Wear large hats during the movies
13. Touch strangers
14. Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus
15. Bite your dentist%26#039;s finger
16. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
18. Leave lipstick prints on people%26#039;s cheeks and foreheads
19. Don%26#039;t stand during hymns and anthems
20. Dance fast to slow music and vice-versa
21. Tell people they have bad breath
22. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
23. Flirt with a friend%26#039;s spouse
24. Sit in the home bleachers and cheer for the other team
25. Shake with your left hand
26. Use the quote bunnies after every other word you say when talking to someone.
27. Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you %26quot;like it that way%26quot;.
28. Drum on every available surface.
29. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
30. Specify that your drive-through order is %26quot;to go%26quot;.
31. Honk and wave to strangers.
32. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter%26#039;s Orange.
33. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
34. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
35. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
36. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
37. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
38. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
39. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
40. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
41. Reply to everything someone says with %26quot;that%26#039;s what YOU think.%26quot;
Annoy Cops
42. Say out loud when he/she approaches you %26quot;You%26#039;re not gonna check the trunk, are you?%26quot;
43. Ask to see his gun.
44. When he%26#039;s telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.
45. Say out loud %26quot;Hey, you must%26#039;ve been doin%26#039; about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!%26quot;
46. Slap his hand and say %26quot;Bad cop! No donut!%26quot;
47. When he frisks you, say %26quot;You missed a spot%26quot;, and grin.
48. After every other sentence oink like a pig quietly to yourself but loud enough for him to hear you.
49. Refer to him by his first name.
50. When he comes up to the car, say %26quot;License and registration, please%26quot; right when he says it.
Annoy Your roomate
51. Smoke weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
52. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
53. Twitch a lot when you guys eat dinner.
54. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
55. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
56. Ask him/her to do you a favor and get you a drink, then when they bring it, slowly pour it on the floor.
57. Clip your toenails while watching a movie or eating dinner.
58. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
59. Speak in tongues.
60. Move you roommate%26#039;s personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
61. Walk and talk backwards.
62. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
63. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, %26quot;They%26#039;re more than meets the eye.%26quot;
64. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g.%26quot;The Road Warrior,%26quot; %26quot;Repo Man,%26quot; Casablanca,%26quot;) almost inaudibly.
65. Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian arias on a kazoo. If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your performance at art class (or hit him/her with the wrench).
66. Collect all your urine in a small jug.
67. Chain yourself to your roommate%26#039;s bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
68. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
69. Ask your roommate if your family can move in %26quot;just for a couple of weeks.%26quot;
70. Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can. Pretend to masturbate while reading them.
71. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
72. Eat glass.
73. Smoke ballpoint pens.
74. Smile. All the time.
75. Collect dog **** in baby food jars. Sort them according to what you think the dog ate.
76. Burn all your waste paper while eying your roommate suspiciously.
77. Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can.
When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.
78. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate%26#039;s desk. Include a list of grievances.
79. Paste snot on the windows in occult patterns.
80. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.
81. Dye all your underwear lime green.
82. Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed. Swim.
83. Bye three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.
84. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate%26#039;s closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.
85. Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate%26#039;s parents (postage due).
86. Pray to Azazoth or Zoroaster. Sacrifice something nasty.
87. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up.
Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
88. Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.
89. Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.
90. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with %26quot;Didja ever wonder why....%26quot; Be creative.
91. Shave one eyebrow.
92. Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and pile your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe. If your roommate comments, mutter %26quot;Gotta save space,%26quot; twenty times while twitching violently.
93. Put horseradish in your shoes.
94. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.
95. Always flush the toilet three times.
96. Subsist entirely on pickles for a week. Vomit often.
97. Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic%26#039;s %26quot;Pennsylvania Polka,%26quot; and play it at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that it%26#039;s an assignment for your primitive cultures class.
98. Give him/her an allowance.
99. Listen to radio static.
100. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.
101. Wear sunglasses at night. Bump into things often. Swear loudly.
Annoy your examiner during a Driver%26#039;s Test
102. Turn the radio on. When the testor goes to turn it off slap his/her hand.
103. Beep your horn at everything.
104. When you stop at a light, start revving the engine while looking back and forth between the person next to you and the light
105. Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, %26quot;now which one is the gas again?%26quot;
106. After the examiner gets in the car, pop the hood, and get out and check the oil.
107. Fill your car with beer bottles.
108. The whole time driving, talk about how Aunt Gertrude smells like mothballs.
109. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner.
110. Swear at everybody on the road.
111. Break off your rear-view mirror and then ask the examiner to hold it up.
Did you ever try all of these?
That was great . I read every one and enjoyed everyone. Thanks.
Reply:yes to all
Reply:No, I haven%26#039;t, but I will tell you, these would annoy the heck out of me.
With my g/f I have tried the following:
1. You look sort of good tonight.
2. Are you putting on weight.
3. What%26#039;s wrong with your hair.
4. I promise it won%26#039;t hurt much.
5. Oh...I didn%26#039;t get to 5. She dumped me.
Reply:Why would we answer all of these statements?
It would take the rest of the millenium to complete.
Reply:Re 1 - 41, see you%26#039;ve met the wife.....pml
Reply:It was OK up until #19. People that don%26#039;t stand for an anthem deserve a punch in the face at minimum. I hope you don%26#039;t live in the US...................
Reply:112. proud ffb is a tosser.
poems
Annoy People
1. Pay tolls with $100 bills
2. Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the middle of the parking lot
3. Eat produce at the market; don%26#039;t buy it
4. When giving directions, leave out a turn or two
5. Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April
6. Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons
7. Knock and ask %26quot;How is it going?%26quot; to someone constipated in a public bathroom stall.
8. Develop at least three strategies for cutting into the front of lines
9. Announce when you%26#039;re going to the bathroom
10. Chew other people%26#039;s pencils
11. Invite lots of people to other people%26#039;s parties.
12. Wear large hats during the movies
13. Touch strangers
14. Tell little children the truth about Santa Claus
15. Bite your dentist%26#039;s finger
16. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
18. Leave lipstick prints on people%26#039;s cheeks and foreheads
19. Don%26#039;t stand during hymns and anthems
20. Dance fast to slow music and vice-versa
21. Tell people they have bad breath
22. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
23. Flirt with a friend%26#039;s spouse
24. Sit in the home bleachers and cheer for the other team
25. Shake with your left hand
26. Use the quote bunnies after every other word you say when talking to someone.
27. Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you %26quot;like it that way%26quot;.
28. Drum on every available surface.
29. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
30. Specify that your drive-through order is %26quot;to go%26quot;.
31. Honk and wave to strangers.
32. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter%26#039;s Orange.
33. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
34. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
35. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
36. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
37. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
38. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
39. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
40. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
41. Reply to everything someone says with %26quot;that%26#039;s what YOU think.%26quot;
Annoy Cops
42. Say out loud when he/she approaches you %26quot;You%26#039;re not gonna check the trunk, are you?%26quot;
43. Ask to see his gun.
44. When he%26#039;s telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly.
45. Say out loud %26quot;Hey, you must%26#039;ve been doin%26#039; about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!%26quot;
46. Slap his hand and say %26quot;Bad cop! No donut!%26quot;
47. When he frisks you, say %26quot;You missed a spot%26quot;, and grin.
48. After every other sentence oink like a pig quietly to yourself but loud enough for him to hear you.
49. Refer to him by his first name.
50. When he comes up to the car, say %26quot;License and registration, please%26quot; right when he says it.
Annoy Your roomate
51. Smoke weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
52. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
53. Twitch a lot when you guys eat dinner.
54. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
55. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
56. Ask him/her to do you a favor and get you a drink, then when they bring it, slowly pour it on the floor.
57. Clip your toenails while watching a movie or eating dinner.
58. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
59. Speak in tongues.
60. Move you roommate%26#039;s personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
61. Walk and talk backwards.
62. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
63. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, %26quot;They%26#039;re more than meets the eye.%26quot;
64. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g.%26quot;The Road Warrior,%26quot; %26quot;Repo Man,%26quot; Casablanca,%26quot;) almost inaudibly.
65. Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian arias on a kazoo. If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your performance at art class (or hit him/her with the wrench).
66. Collect all your urine in a small jug.
67. Chain yourself to your roommate%26#039;s bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
68. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
69. Ask your roommate if your family can move in %26quot;just for a couple of weeks.%26quot;
70. Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can. Pretend to masturbate while reading them.
71. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
72. Eat glass.
73. Smoke ballpoint pens.
74. Smile. All the time.
75. Collect dog **** in baby food jars. Sort them according to what you think the dog ate.
76. Burn all your waste paper while eying your roommate suspiciously.
77. Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can.
When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.
78. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate%26#039;s desk. Include a list of grievances.
79. Paste snot on the windows in occult patterns.
80. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.
81. Dye all your underwear lime green.
82. Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed. Swim.
83. Bye three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.
84. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate%26#039;s closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.
85. Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate%26#039;s parents (postage due).
86. Pray to Azazoth or Zoroaster. Sacrifice something nasty.
87. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up.
Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
88. Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.
89. Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.
90. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with %26quot;Didja ever wonder why....%26quot; Be creative.
91. Shave one eyebrow.
92. Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and pile your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe. If your roommate comments, mutter %26quot;Gotta save space,%26quot; twenty times while twitching violently.
93. Put horseradish in your shoes.
94. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.
95. Always flush the toilet three times.
96. Subsist entirely on pickles for a week. Vomit often.
97. Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic%26#039;s %26quot;Pennsylvania Polka,%26quot; and play it at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that it%26#039;s an assignment for your primitive cultures class.
98. Give him/her an allowance.
99. Listen to radio static.
100. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.
101. Wear sunglasses at night. Bump into things often. Swear loudly.
Annoy your examiner during a Driver%26#039;s Test
102. Turn the radio on. When the testor goes to turn it off slap his/her hand.
103. Beep your horn at everything.
104. When you stop at a light, start revving the engine while looking back and forth between the person next to you and the light
105. Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, %26quot;now which one is the gas again?%26quot;
106. After the examiner gets in the car, pop the hood, and get out and check the oil.
107. Fill your car with beer bottles.
108. The whole time driving, talk about how Aunt Gertrude smells like mothballs.
109. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner.
110. Swear at everybody on the road.
111. Break off your rear-view mirror and then ask the examiner to hold it up.
Did you ever try all of these?
That was great . I read every one and enjoyed everyone. Thanks.
Reply:yes to all
Reply:No, I haven%26#039;t, but I will tell you, these would annoy the heck out of me.
With my g/f I have tried the following:
1. You look sort of good tonight.
2. Are you putting on weight.
3. What%26#039;s wrong with your hair.
4. I promise it won%26#039;t hurt much.
5. Oh...I didn%26#039;t get to 5. She dumped me.
Reply:Why would we answer all of these statements?
It would take the rest of the millenium to complete.
Reply:Re 1 - 41, see you%26#039;ve met the wife.....pml
Reply:It was OK up until #19. People that don%26#039;t stand for an anthem deserve a punch in the face at minimum. I hope you don%26#039;t live in the US...................
Reply:112. proud ffb is a tosser.
poems
Here are some outrageous and real laws!!!?
Please do not report this as abuse. If you do not like it, please tell me and I will delete the question.
# In Canada, It is illegal for a teen to walk down main street for Fort Qu%26#039;Appelle with their shoes untied.
# In Canada, It is illegal to leave your horse in front of the Country Squire without hitching it securely to the hitching post.
# In Alabama, it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
# In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can%26#039;t go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job- for men only- called a corset inspector.)
# In Connecticut, You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
# It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor in Denver.
# In Woodstock, NY it is illegal to walk your bear on the street without a leash.
# In Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because %26quot;the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male.%26quot;
# It%26#039;s safe to make love while parked in Coeur d%26#039;Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren%26#039;t allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
# In California, community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.
# In Connecticut, you are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.
# In Florida, women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
# No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
# In Florida, a special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
# In New York, a fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking %26quot;at a woman in that way.%26quot; A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a %26quot;pair of horse-blinders%26quot; wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.
# An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store%26#039;s walk-in-meat freezer!
# In Florida, if an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
# It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit in Sarasota Florida.
# The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.
Here are some outrageous and real laws!!!?
oh yes id love more!
Reply:Did you get these off Stupidlaws.com ... ? .. that is a FUNNY site !! .. The one in Virginia about beating your wife on the courthouse steps is just tooooo funny !!
Reply:Any crazy ones from Seattle
Reply:wow .... i lived in Florida for 7 years and frequently fell asleep in the salon while my hair was processing......guess I was pretty lucky......AND it was Sarasota....and on occassion would sing in swimsuit......in public....on the beach...as did many others.....that tiki bar owner must have had friends in high places ;-)
Reply:In Texas, we are limited as to which sex-toys we are allowed to own %26amp; how many we may own at one time.
Possession of more than 6 sex-toys is %26quot;intent to distribute%26quot;.
Reply:Wow that%26#039;s interesting.
I live in Denver and did not know
that it is unlawful to lend your next
door neighbor your vacuum. Hemmm
John 17:3
Reply:loved it, esp. the one about the corset law and lending the vacuum cleaner
small business
# In Canada, It is illegal for a teen to walk down main street for Fort Qu%26#039;Appelle with their shoes untied.
# In Canada, It is illegal to leave your horse in front of the Country Squire without hitching it securely to the hitching post.
# In Alabama, it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
# In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can%26#039;t go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job- for men only- called a corset inspector.)
# In Connecticut, You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
# It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor in Denver.
# In Woodstock, NY it is illegal to walk your bear on the street without a leash.
# In Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because %26quot;the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male.%26quot;
# It%26#039;s safe to make love while parked in Coeur d%26#039;Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren%26#039;t allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
# In California, community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.
# In Connecticut, you are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.
# In Florida, women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
# No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
# In Florida, a special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
# In New York, a fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking %26quot;at a woman in that way.%26quot; A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a %26quot;pair of horse-blinders%26quot; wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.
# An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store%26#039;s walk-in-meat freezer!
# In Florida, if an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
# It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit in Sarasota Florida.
# The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.
Here are some outrageous and real laws!!!?
oh yes id love more!
Reply:Did you get these off Stupidlaws.com ... ? .. that is a FUNNY site !! .. The one in Virginia about beating your wife on the courthouse steps is just tooooo funny !!
Reply:Any crazy ones from Seattle
Reply:wow .... i lived in Florida for 7 years and frequently fell asleep in the salon while my hair was processing......guess I was pretty lucky......AND it was Sarasota....and on occassion would sing in swimsuit......in public....on the beach...as did many others.....that tiki bar owner must have had friends in high places ;-)
Reply:In Texas, we are limited as to which sex-toys we are allowed to own %26amp; how many we may own at one time.
Possession of more than 6 sex-toys is %26quot;intent to distribute%26quot;.
Reply:Wow that%26#039;s interesting.
I live in Denver and did not know
that it is unlawful to lend your next
door neighbor your vacuum. Hemmm
John 17:3
Reply:loved it, esp. the one about the corset law and lending the vacuum cleaner
small business
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